Gayngsta’s Paradise

Well, I just got out of a relationship a couple weeks ago. Wasn’t a pretty one but on the bright side I have ideas and motivation now, and a lot more maturity. I’m not gonna go too far into detail about it but recently I’ve been going to a therapist myself and have been working through some stuff. So hopefully I can start working on doing the things I love again. I’ve sincerely missed writing even though it doesn’t seem like it, and every time I say I’m going to put things out there I don’t lol. In all honesty I just felt really guilty about not writing in that time that I tried to write more to SFYM, and just literally could not type more than a sentence or a paragraph without losing my mind. This time though, even if no one believes me, I am going to write more. It might not be regular, since I’m still only going to write when I’m motivated to put the highest quality work out there that I can, but I will keep going with this story. I have a goal and an ending I want to get to and I don’t want to give up on it even three years later.

It’ll be a long ride, for sure, but for those of you that are curious about genuinely where I have been for the last… year and a half is it now? I’ve published a memoir I’m writing about what has happened. It’s taken so much of my time and my focus I haven’t had any time to sit down… and for those of you that don’t want to read it, let’s just say I’ve found the delinquent to my lost therapist.

2k reads on SFYM omg ;^; I didn’t even expect to get a hundred on this originally, and even when I have been AWFUL at updating recently— I can’t express enough how much that means to me, tysm ;;

Writing a character with anxiety is really hard for me, since the disorder I struggle with causes me to doubt myself and everything I know and stand for a lot. Seeing other people/characters go through anxiety, or having attacks from it is very difficult for me, because it often times triggers my own attacks, since it’s a very similar thought process throughout all anxiety disorders. I have both generalized anxiety disorder and OCD, so it’s very hard for me to control at times, especially whenever I begin to have new obsessions. They develop out of nowhere for seemingly no reason, and they don’t go away on their own. Writing a character like Donghun in SFYM has been a challenge, but I like the story enough to keep going. I’ve been struggling with it because of my own anxiety, but I didn’t want to downplay the characterization I was going for. I feel comfortable letting people know this because I feel it’s good for people to be informed. It’s not at all that I’m losing motivation for the story, it’s just that I’m struggling more than usual with it right now. I’m working on another chapter that I hope to publish soon ^~^

I finally get good enough to finish another part to SFYM, and it feels really good to write again. I’m not sure I’m totally healthy and good yet, but I’m getting some help, so I’m on my way there. I’ll try to update whenever I can, because at the very least I want to finish this one story. I really appreciate the support, and I hope it’s not too much of a problem I’ve been gone for so long <3

This is the first time I’ve logged in since March, and I wanted to let everyone know I plan on continuing writing eventually, it’s just a matter of letting myself get over my anxiety. I have severe OCD, and it’s harder than usual to break habits and obsessions associated with it, and a whole lot of things set me off. However I got a job recently, and I plan on moving out of my mom’s house as soon as I can so I can leave all my negative memories behind, and hopefully then I can come back to this, since I love writing very much, and I love seeing that people enjoy reading it, and seeing the comments on my work. I hope you all understand, since I’m taking a break so that the only thing I put out will be of the best quality. ^~^

I’ve been having severe anxiety attacks recently, and they’ve been debilitating to the point of emotional burnout and complete loss of motivation and all focus on any daily task. I had some traumatic dreams recently and I haven’t been able to get over them the way I usually do, so it’s been really taxing on my health. As of now, I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I continue working on writing, but I still really want to. I haven’t given up, I just need some time to heal.

I’m feeling better today, I went in to the doctor’s office and Covid was not a concern. The doctor was also pretty convinced it wasn’t an aneurysm, and was just a migraine. All of me tests came back perfectly normal, so it seems everything is alright. I will continue working on updates now, I’m gonna try to finish this next chapter as soon as possible <3

So I was exposed to Covid about a week ago when I was going to pick up my dog’s from a family member’s house, and now I just got a severe headache, nausea and chills, so I wanted to update you all who read my stories just to let you know what is happening with me and why I might not update for awhile. I feel very sick and I can’t even have the lights on in my room, let alone write a story. I’m sorry about this, I hope you’re all having a better day than I am <3

Jeez 1k reads on SFYM? I never thought I’d get a hundred let alone a thousand, but I’m grateful nonetheless ;v; thank yall sm <3