Coffe4life

I need online friends again (´д｀ι)

Ao3 is sadly down. I guess I'll write something on Wattpad again ♡ 

I guess sleep = weight now :) thanks mom. Never knew

Loyal readers to my "Your Highness' Brother" TvT, it shan't discontinue nor will it ever discontinue ☆v☆ I'll make sure to post during Christmas break :>>

I hate my sister so much right now. I can't even cry because she's currently in the same room.

No classes for the entire week is truly a blessing ŐwŐ ♡

I will sleep now ♡ love all of you

Two long tests tomorrow T^T
          
          I am very much scared for the outcome. Starting to miss the old days again :<
          
          Anyways, just finished copying the lessons on my notebooks and finally done with assignments!! Sorry for not ever posting anymore. School is fricking draining all the creativity and energy from me.
          
          Can't even go on my phone for 2 hours before sleeping sleepy now. Love you guys and sorry once again.

I don't like to ask for their help because sometimes when I ask for help they repeat the question and would make me feel like I'm dumb for not knowing the answer. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow or any day now because I would always worry that someday there would be a problem or question I couldn't answer and they would tell my parents and then they might take away my electronics which are the only things that are giving me joy right now.
          
          My best friends attend different high schools and I feel like we're drifting apart right now. I don't like talking to people I don't know and my family gets annoyed when I talk too much. I have to be on my toes when I'm around my family sometimes.
          
          So in conclusion, 
          
          I'm fat, dumb but in a pilot section, I have no relatives who I'm close to, my best friend who I'm still close with can't communicate with me since she has no wifi, my other best friend doesn't even feel like my best friend anymore, I'm in a new school with new expectations, I know no one there, and I'm behind my assignments already. 
          
          I'm doomed already. Honestly, reading and my phone are me escaping reality now. 
          
          I hate when my parents compare me with kids who are failing but they can be excused because they work for their family. I just hate it. I know I'm lucky to even have a phone or a laptop or food every day on a plate or born with no disorders or disabilities but I'm still just a kid. I just turned 13 this May and they already expect me to know and memorize everything that I learned. 
          
          I won't even sleep when I'm tired because I'm scared to not wake up in time and that I'd be shouted at by my mother. I miss when I was in elementary. When I was actually smart and nice and slim and had a lot of friends and had no problems. 
          
          I don't like to cry even because I was laughed at by my siblings. I feel embarrassed when I do. I would feel like someone is watching me even when I know that no one is.

My mom would always comment on my weight. How that my steps were so loud that it would wake them up, that my body is ugly and that people wouldn't like me. Then I started to skip lunch and dinner. She started to worry but would comment whenever she sees me eat. I have to make up a fake fucking excuse to bring food up because I would be so embarrassed to bring them up to eat. 
          
          I'm not academically smart and I get into a pilot section (or like an honors section) in my high school. The teachers and my family expect me to be the best of the best. And here I am listening to this playlist and just about to answer my homework on my worst subjects.