Sometimes we smile and sometimes we cry... Honestly, I'd be the one to smile whilst wishing I was crying. I'm in love with words, hearing them, seeing them, saying them, and believing them. I do it all, but in retrospect I'm always betrayed by them. Every beautiful word seems to bring an ounce of pain. The reality is words mean nothing. They are filled with unadulterated purity at a glance but humanity changes it to a lie a broken, torn up lie that burns and fades as soon as they are written or said. The pain is as simplistic as the meaning only the pain hurts more. I like to think that I am a holder I take pain as it comes the physicality of it all and the emotional turmoil it may cause I take it. I believe there are few of us that take as much as we do so that others may see the happiness the world of words and dreams conveys. Although I hope someday I am more than just a holder I hope that I qualify to be happy . The irony is the word happy to me causes more pain than any other word because its the one emotion I cant seem to feel or understand I know what I want it to be. Also I know the definition but the fairytale-like thought of such an emotion brings me hope (another painful word) that it exists. I am far from happy. In truth I am just a holder, a holder of pain and memories.