ジャスミン

Until next time.

I no longer believe in anything. Restart.

This is the day. 
          That I promise to myself this won't happen again. 
          I won't come up desperate.
          I will never be this desperate ever again.

I'm sorry. Of course, that's stupid of me. I understand. This won't happen again.

I can't get over the thought that all the efforts and motivation I put myself into for the past weeks had been all for naught.

I've always dreamed of being in a room.
          
          Alone yet peaceful, chaos through the floor, and window wide open.
          
          On my chair with my head stare at the ceiling with dim lights.
          
          The only light shines the brightest is from the screen on my laptop.
          
          A ringing phone in my desk.
          
          With a stylus pen at my lap along with the tablet.
          
          And a beer in my right hand.
          
          Both of my feet will be at the top of my desk.
          
          I'd go swinging my chair.
          
          Humming a lullaby.
          
          And I'd tell my self.
          
          "This is the life I've longed for."
          

Sometimes, I just want a little plot twist in my life.

It's frustrating that no matter how hard you try, in the end, it could never amount like how it should be.
          
          It's so frustrating that I spend almost half hours of the day yet there's still hell missing.
          
          That the rest could do greater and I'm left in the middle.
          
          It's frustrating that while doing some tasks, my mind keeps screaming. Feeling that I will never be good enough.
          
          That no matter what I do, it didn't even pay the work that I did.
          
          It's frustrating how I fear, that my contribution is wrong. 
          
          My contribution to the team is so fvcking incorrect.
          
          
          It's TRAUMATIZING.
          
          
          

I'm feeling burnt out.
          Having a breakdown.
          With my body refusing to move.
          While I'm mentally blocked.
          Overwhelmed with a lot of activities
          And couldn't understand discussion.
          My mind is screaming.

Goal: Mag picture ug formal me