cashhunt

@cashhunt        i wouldn’t necessarily say that /people/ are after me — it’s best if you didn’t know .. but what you /can/ know is that im fairly protected . 
            
            / this is like my first time around in life 8 months maybe ? maybe even a year almost .. i can’t remember but i kind of missed it a little and have had some extra time on my plate (: i like lowkey forgot how to rp when i got back LOL 

@fearstreats      something like that.  yeah.     i actually find that hard to believe.       [he frowns.] you saying there are more people after you?   
            
            /       for real </3    good times.   yeahhh,  from time to time :”)    when i miss the rps 

@cashhunt        to /warn/ me ?      about what ? the feds ?      believe it or not .. they’re the /least/ of my problems . 
            
            / yes they were </3 kind of miss when everyone was more active n stuff but it’s nice to see u still around (‘: makes it more fun lol 

@cultofsaltz           no.     [a pause,     he looked up at her.  like a deer caught in headlights,  he shook his head.]    nothing.     i..  really don’t know what i’m doing here.     [a lie,   the memory of their last encounter still lingered in the back of his mind. like a broken record, it played twenty four seven in his thoughts.    it was as if something had possessed him to drive to her house,  knocking on her door without practicing what he was even gonna say.  he knew this was wrong, but that didn’t withhold him.]            i know, this is probably not convenient..   just thought we needed to talk.   

*       LADIES WYD WHEN UR 5+ YEAR SITUATIONSHIP PULLS UP YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDS HOUSE UNANNOUNCED AFTER YOU KISSED HIM COLD TURKEY THE LAST TIME U SAW EACH OTHER

it’s the middle of the night,     cassian,    /are you okay/?      —did something happen?

[maddy’s breath caught so slightly it almost didn’t happen at all. but it did.  her eyes flicked down to his hand against her jaw, then back up to him, lashes lower now, expression softer around the edges in a way she probably didn’t let happen often.]      maybe i do.     [the words came quiet.  not defensive. not teasing this time.
            honest.    she didn’t pull away from his touch. if anything,  she leaned into it just enough to matter, her fingers brushing lightly against his wrist like she was grounding herself in the moment instead of escaping it.]   and maybe i wanted to see if you were all talk.  [a faint smile touched her lips,   the room felt smaller now. warmer.     amber light spilling across both of them while the city hummed somewhere outside her windows like a distant current. she held his gaze for another second before speaking again, softer this time.]   but you’re still hesitating.    her thumb brushed once against the inside of his wrist.] which means one of two things.  [a beat.] you’re trying really hard to be careful with me. [her eyes searched his.]   or you’re scared you’re gonna like me more than you planned to. 

@glittersecx      [his eyes stayed on hers for a long second after that.  no smirk. no comeback waiting. just that look people got right before they stopped pretending they were still playing around.   blue hues dropped briefly to her mouth this time, slower than hers had, then lifted back to meet her eyes.    an amused chuckle.]        i thought you were gonna keep dancing around it forever.       [he moved closer again,    enough that the space between them barely existed now. close enough to feel her breathing shift. but he still didn’t touch her like he understood this wasn’t about rushing. it was about whether she’d pull away once it became real.]      you know what your problem is, maddy?       you keep acting like you’re daring people to cross lines.   then look surprised when someone actually does.   [a pause,   his hand finally lifted, slow enough for her to stop it if she wanted, fingers brushing lightly against her jaw before settling there.  careful.   intentional.]     and,   you’re still looking at me like you want me to.  

[she just looked up at him, her expression unreadable for a beat too long, like she was letting him sit in the tension he’d created. then the corner of her mouth lifted. slow.]  that depends.   [her voice came out lower now, quieter in the small apartment.]   what makes you think i’m expecting you to do anything?    [she tilted her head slightly, though her eyes never left his.] maybe i just wanted to see if you’d get nervous. [a soft breath of amusement slipped past her lips.].  or if all that confidence was just something you wear well.   [she let the silence stretch between them again, charged and deliberate, before finally leaning in just enough to make the distance between them feel intentional.] close enough for the moment to sharpen. not enough to give it away.    and for someone who claims he notices everything...   [her gaze flicked briefly to his mouth, then back up.]   you’re asking a lot of questions for a guy who already knows the answer.  [a pause. her smile softened into something bolder. something that looked suspiciously like permission wrapped in challenge. if you’re gonna do something about it, cash...  [she held his stare.]     stop asking me what i mean.  

@remanoirs        i’m not.     doing my job.   [he answered simply, watching the cloud of vapor fade into the air.]    or,   maybe i should ask you that question?   

i don’t know.   [ an exhale is made and a faint cloud of vapor fills the air.  dark hues eyes the other up and down behind sunglasses. ]    are you?   

@remanoirs         [he frowned.]       what do i look like an intruder to you?   

@til3012          looks like it.       [he looked at the other,   slight suspicion.]       really,     its none of your business.        you wouldn’t wanna know.  

..  then why do you hang around these fucking losers?     

@808HYMN      seventy-five, huh?    that’s not bad. i was expecting you to hit me with some wild number and make me rethink even asking. i can work with that.      it’s just— [a pause,  he took a deep breath.]         now i’m actually picturing this. everybody packed into my friend’s place, people half paying attention at first until you start playing and the whole room shifts.    that kind of thing sticks with people, you know?  feels bigger than just some random house party.    [he looked at her,  greenish blue hues squinting a bit.  quietly trying to figure her out.]     isn’t that what you want?          what’s..   gonna remember you?    

i don’t know,   –seventy-five?   ’s not like i need a lot,     [a displeased sigh.]     only the basic expenses,  i guess..  unless you want me to play longer than an hour. 

@808HYMN      jeez.  okay,    /fine/     i can fix the money,   you know.        how much do you want?     

[ she let out a small,    almost disbelieving breath.]   security?    [a faint laugh, not unkind just surprised.] they really let you walk in here and call it that.     [she leaned back against the counter again,    studying him more carefully now, like the pieces were shifting into place.] i thought you were just (here)  “not hired here.”   you know,  he doesn’t just give people jobs like that unless he thinks they’re useful.      or, dangerous.             surprised, he didn’t do a background check.  

@linescocain         security.       [a simple, easy answer as it was.]         needed to stay low.    its a good side job.        somebody paid enough to keep eyes on this place.       [he looked at her.]       what i don’t know yet is whether whatever you’re doing for alamo is gonna cross into my business.        i heard,    he got people moving things through this place that don’t belong to him.      so if you’re asking if this is about you,    it wasn’t.       

[a nod,  slow like she understood that feeling better than she wanted.  at the mention of her friend, something unreadable flickered across tiresome features before it disappeared beneath that usual detached calm.]      yeah,    that’s the part nobody really talks about.       [her finger traced the rim of a glass, left abandoned on the counter.]          it’s just,        one day realizing you got used to surviving that you forgot to ask yourself what you were surviving for.   [a pause, a faint smile.]    kinda sound like we’re both just really committed to bad coping mechanisms.   no.   but really cash,    why are you here?    

[there’s a force beckoning her closer and closer, a modern—day siren’s call disarming all senses but cassian. it’s the sad truth she’s face to face with: gigi saltzman’s never belonged to anyone — bot despondent mother nor resigned husband, not even a crush of sister — until him. she doesn’t realize it herself until she’s already propped herself on heeled toes to pull him for a kiss, real and raw.]           fuck—           [heart rattles in its abused cage, bruised and deformed at the very sight of him upclose staring at her, after all of these years, in anything other than reverie.]           —i couldn’t be happier..   right now.           [steady and low, akin to their suburban backdrop. hot tears build up within the confines of her milk-white eyes.]            you think i’m stupid,  you think i—i’m this stupid, silly little girl.  you’ve always thought that,  i know it..   and i can take that.  i just don’t want you to hate me.   i could live with you not loving,  even liking,  me.   not now and not ever,   but—           [it’s an ibsen play. cassian allowed no grays: the intoxication of one extreme too blinding to allow preparation for the next. always was she caught in the undertow of his current, always left tending alone, as she felt then and there with puckered lip. blonde ducks head, brushing back the pillow mess of her hair.]             it’s you i’m in love with.   i just hope you don’t hate me now,  cassian.   i’m sorry. 

@cultofsaltz         [balcony doors slam open,   cold night air rushing in around him as he stalks out onto the terrace.   for a second,   he doesn’t turn around,   doesn’t even look at her just braces both hands against the stone railing, head dropped, broad shoulders tight beneath the expensive cut of his jacket like he’s trying to hold it together.    her words she’d thrown at him, didn’t make it easier.  it  hit him all at once, delayed and vicious.   they settle somewhere ugly in his chest, somewhere he’d spent years teaching himself not to feel.]       you really know how to pick your timing, don’t you?      since you were fifteen..   [the words leave his mouth rough, almost scoffed, but they land heavy. his jaw flexes.]     you drop that on me after standing there acting like i was insane for thinking any of this ever meant more..   [he drags a hand down his face before pivoting toward her,  his expression had softened as if he tried to hold back his anger. something rawer beneath it.]  you know what’s fucked up, gigi?     it’s that i did get it.        the first time.    every look,   every time you got too close and then pulled back like.. some game.  i spent years convincing myself i was reading it wrong.     [he’s close enough now to catch the tremor in her breathing, close enough that lowering his voice makes it feel almost cruel.]      so..  don’t act like this is some grand revelation that’s supposed to fix this.  ..   and,    it might is better like this         [his eyes drop briefly to her mouth,  then drift back up.  staring at her.]        i mean,    like you said,      you’re happy.    you’re in love.   your words,   not mine.    so,  what do you really want from me huh?    

oh,   did you?   did you actually get it?          [cruelty carries love. the melancholia of life is stamped out any potential of holding grudges, yet juvenile spite ignited only by the likes of cassian allowed her frustrations to carry on a secondary, less meaningful life. something smothered in its conception under affection’s lofty wings and incoming ire’e overwhelming presence.]          screw you, cassian.          [raspberry heart glows and patters within the confines of its porcelain cage with full throbbing that reaches out after cash’s trail of disaster. she’ll follow him through the claustrophobic crowd of party—goers, drenched in leftover caviar and champagne, like some ghost of east highland past. she’ll pull, with grandiose strength amalgamating to not so much in the end, to sway the both of them in the idle presence of the balcony. gigi, cradled in uptick of eroding emotion, is flush with such sudden clarity.]      did you actually get it through your thick, stupid skull what i’ve been trying to say since i was   /fucking/   fifteen and   /in love with y/—        [jaded sigh precedes the slump of thin shoulders, letting out a breath she had withhold the entire afternoon.]          you do matter to me.           [choler trickles down liquored throat as she turns cool, baby-pink cheek toward a man she’d otherwise known to be as a boy.]          don’t you see how nobody,  ever,  would say something like what i just said to somebody who doesn’t matter to them?   —screw you. 

[cassian is a seamless part of the night, a shallow grave of a life she could have very well lived and, relentless against her own wishes or ire, did not.]      yeah, they probably will.      [perhaps georgina saltzman could have been happy, free. she could have died, disappeared, evaporated with the afternoon winds. in the supermarkets, she’d see missing posters hung on bulletin boards, a picture of fourteen-year-old-ish her smiling directly back at the viewer: WANTED, BELOVED DAUGHTER. the blonde fragment of her figure inches close to cash, reaches an inconspicuous hand toward his own and withdraws the last second her body heat would become his. fearing, perhaps, that it would all feel too real. she’ll look at him then, a sad smile lurking in the shadows.]      but someone’s already looking at me right now. 

@cultofsaltz        i am happy.   [for now.  a quiet thought,  his weak smile still lingers onto his features.    tilting his head to the side as he silently watched her,   his gaze softened at the sight of her, almost admiring.  a glimpse of hope adorned blue greenish hues, maybe.   a deep exhale as reality slowly began to settle, feeling it in the pit of his stomach.]       me too.    it’s not  easy.   you know,   gigi.     they’ll probably look for you. 

what, like you’re not?   —i’m totally gonna take offense if you say ‘no’, by the way.     [unlike him, she’s drawn to herself tonight. akin to a creature of the night, nymph’s hugging into herself like a sunflower closing in. the lace of her breath comes out in a shiver, though her mind’s too preoccupied with hyperventilating neurotransmitters.]      i wish it could be like this forever.     [she’ll look forward, out, and back at cassian, then. eyes curtained out with the hazing smoke of the cold, october air he’d blown out. behind them, silos catered to unnoticed teenage desire from idiotic daydreams.]      i never want morning to come. 

@finalsgirl       yeah.       i don’t have a good answer for it.       nothing that fixes it.   nothing that makes it less fucked up.          i wasn’t thinking about hope when i disappeared but survival.          and i left you in the fallout of that like it didn’t matter,      thats on me.   [his gaze softened,       jaw tightened.]           i hate it happened like that.           i promise to get you out of this,    somehow.    

you don’t get to say that now, giving me breadcrumbs in the past,   just enough to give me false hope?      you have no idea what it was like,       it ruined me.      not knowing if you were dead,      or just,    done with me?            [     a bitter laugh,      she shook her head in disbelief.       ]      i waited.       kept thinking you’d reach out.     how stupid right?            maybe you’re not heartless,    but you still did what you did.   

@finalsgirl          i didn’t stay,     yeah,    you’re right.     i treated you bad,     i was careless towards you.       i deserve this.      but i do care. seeing you like this,    don’t act like that doesn’t do something to me.         [a beat,    longer this time.  then softer almost like it slips out against his will. ]   i’m not heartless.     i regret it everyday.