cashiaara

I am a mess as a person, but at least my wattpad profiles are pretty *-*

cashiaara

i need to learn that buying clothes in this economy is not for obese people like me. i went to buy a pair of jeans and almost csme out crying, nothing seemed to fit inside me and i want to go to thrift stores buy pretty old things, that are never going to fit me. and i hate that. i swear that i tried to chloe ting challenge almost five times already, but having people at home knowing that i cant breath because of exercise makes me angry. that i am too fat and with the worst lungs in the damn apartment. so, yeah. if my mom thinks that i am not losing weight because i don't want, i actually want, but I can't breath with exercise and i cant do abdominal because i am too fat. that shouldn't even count as problem, theres people dying because of covid and war, and i am worried about weight. i am the most horrible person that exists.

hazardous_waffles

@cashiaara girl I'm so late but please you're so amazing and strong. I feel you in a way because plus size fashionable clothes are really hard to find. It's understandable that you think about yourself first, it's actually what you should do. You may be feeling really bad rn but I'm here if you want to rant okay? My dms are open. Also even if you're feeling insecure about yourself loosing weight in a healthy way is what you should do dear, and not listen to anyone's else's words. It's your body, maybe cut down unhealthy foods from your diet, like all the grease and sugar. Try green leafy vegetables and fruits, don't starve yourself and eat. Try drinking lots of water and just walking or start with yoga. Do breathing exercises as well. Take it slow and know that people are here for you and all you need to do is ask if you want their help. Rushing it with intense workouts this soon into your regime will harm you.
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cashiaara

i hate how here at home, my mom expects us to talk about stuff with her like we are friends.  "you are my best friend" she always say, for me and my sister. but when we fight, the house change. we spend at least two days not talking more than the necessity, and when we finally talk we don't try to understand both sides. my mom and my sister fighted  — i still say sister, because i wasn't supposed to hear their conversation so that might make her uncomfortable —  because my sister came out as trans to my mom, and my mom said that she needed a psychiatrist that she was way too young to know that  (they are 16). so, we went to sleep, in the next morning i came to my moms bedroom because my sister watch her classes in our bedroom and i don't go to classes anymore, and my mom says  "get ready to deal with the finances, because i feel like a bad wave of depression is coming and the only thing getting me out of it, was the both of you". so now i cant be sad, i cant manage to have another panic attack because i dont know what to do with my live and im scared of what my mom and my sister are capable of doing if something happens with me. and theres just this dark cloud in the house that im trying to ignore, but I can't deal with this because my sister/brother have already tried to kill themselves once, and my mom expects me to resolve everything. I am just eighteen years old, in the beginning of my collage life. I am scared of going out because of men. I am scared of living because nobody taught me how. but i cant deal with my emotions, and i cant deal with them right now. I am sorry if anyone is reading this, but i needed to take this out of me and I don't have someone to talk to.

hazardous_waffles

@cashiaara hon, I'm so sorry but I'm here if you wanna talk.
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cashiaara

— KAROL CONKA sai amanhã ou eu
              não me chamo khiaara. E vai sair
              com mais votos sim senhora,
              porque ninguém mandou da uma
              de satanas pra cima da Juliette
              e agora pagar de santa. Chupa o
              meu pau, filha da puta.