@cass0wary
wow has it really been this long since i’ve used wattpad? crazy… made it back home safe and got caught up in school. I’m currently applying to study abroad in the fall! I’m so excited things seem to just be falling right into place for me :)
been in the hospital for 24 days… so sick of the food and everything i fucking hate it.
can’t stop thinking about himmmmm. i’m crushing so hard but i’m way to scared to talk to him. it’s sad really… plus i missed so many opportunities cuz i got sick and then my appendix got inflamed and i had to miss another week. he’s so hot and cute and cool and awesome and i can’t stop thinking about him and he’s s amazing and i want to hug him and kiss him. i feel like a creep but it’s a crush right? that’s what you think when you have a crush? i wouldn’t know i’ve never felt like this.
just realized i do nothing all day… i can’t remember what i did yesterday before 8:30 pm, or for any day before that. i lay in bed for hours and hours… i can’t get up, i’m too tired or in too much pain. i simply do nothing and i can’t believe that… is that why my mom is so worried about me, because i can’t do anything all day except sleep and wallow in pain? i hung out with my friends on saturday and i’m still out of commission from that. my doctors all say they want me to be able to feel normal again, but i don’t understand what that feels like. this is my normal… do they not understand how long i’ve been dealing with this- even after telling them how many years and i don’t remember feeling any different than bad? i wish i could have enough energy to get out of bed to go phone my friends, or play games with them. or had enough energy to hang out with my mom or go practice driving… i wish i could do stuff a normal teenager does WHY WHY CANT I WHAT IS WRONG WITG ME i can’t take it anymore i just want be normal i don’t want to hear weird comments when i actually have enough energy to hold a valid conversation with people i don’t want people to ask me what’s wrong when i smile and act happy i hate it… i’m acting normal for once in a long time and you have the audacity to ask what’s wrong with me and why i’m not acting like i should?? it makes me feel like a disappointment do people really think so little of me that they just expect me to act like a failure… like i deserve to be told i’m depressing to be around
genshin impact fandom hella pissing me off. Like bruh… how u gonna call dealing enough dmg to a boss to get it to half health with supports, and then switching to a dps and killing it a one shot. clearly these people don’t know what a heckin one shot it, it really aggravates me. and then people who mention that get salted and trashed by everyone who’s like “okay could you do that?” yeah i could, it’s not that difficult to do that when half to 3/4’s of the hp is gone already.
Thinking back to when I was like 6 and my sisters convinced me there were tiny beings that lived on the ceiling fan and were going to come down and fortitude me and kill me and tie me up so I could suffocate to death in the middle of the night if I fell asleep or blinked. And how I was crying so hard my parents had to come help me. Like I say my childhood was really good and then I remember the traumatic bullying my sisters put me through even though they claim “it didn’t happen” and I’m “making stuff up again” or “im crazy”… like I know they did it, I just know how to pick my battles… and I don’t want to get called crazy and a bullshit liar who doesn’t know anything.
I’m realizing now, a decade later, that I walked in on my parents making out in bed so they could install a fondue dipping app on the family iPad when I was 7...
It’s been a fat second. Things are going ok. My second pfyzer dose fucked me up, still suffering even a few days after getting it. Schools ending soon, I’ve got a few missing assignments for geometry and Spanish. But I’m so sick rn I can’t even get out of bed much less do homework.
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Maybe I should write somethinfZzz but like what?
I’ll write for pm any fandom ig. I won’t get better if I don’t practice tbh