cathanni5

Continuation from my last post:
          	And like a lot of people would tell me to "Just Do it", but its harder than it looks because I have set so many limitations just because of how I grew up. My household preaches life is about making a good first impression. I care way too much of what people think of me, strive to be perfect, show that I'm not weak, vulnerable and can handle my own but truth is I am completely dying inside! I'm literally the most desperate, needy, weakest minded person I know. I'm pitiful to myself honestly. 
          	All I really wanna do is live my own life and not care what anyone thinks, speak to people and make friends with GOOD people who have a similar or open mindset. I want to be able to be vulnerable to people and not be afraid.
          	The sad part about life is though you can't trust ANYONE and I'm having the biggest crisis about that rn! I've been looking for forums or sites where people can talk about this stuff but I have found none so I resorted to Wattpad. Deadass a diary rn.
          	Anyway...I don't want to live with any limitations anymore...by limitations I mean just being who I am who is not a person who wants to harm anyone or do wrong...I just want to live and not care but I've been programmed and have programmed myself to think otherwise. 
          	Growing up is such a frustrating time!! :( I would LOVE good friends to just talk to in person about this stuff and I not be afraid/judged by them because it seems like being weak is a JOKE to everyone and it you're weak you're a laughing stock and cannot be spoken to anymore. I'm sorry I care what people think. I'm sorry I'm insecure on top of that. :/

THEL0UVRE

Hi, i hope you're doing okay ❤️ i used to read your stories but i see you haven't been here for a while. I really hope everything is okay.

cathanni5

@THEL0UVRE Hiii ❤ thank you so much for your concern :) I'm doing okay. Just trying to grow as a person emotionally and have been having a lot of extreme ups and downs, such is life. Hope you're doing well! I'm hoping to get back into writing again and start publishing my current works and newer things
• Reply

balencihazza

It seems that you have an expectation of yourself that's hard to reach. Is everyone strived for perfection, we'd all be upset with the results. Take some time for yourself. Give yourself some time to breathe. Sorry if I'm intruding, I just care about you (not trying to be weird since we don't know each other, I'm just very empathetic and I feel like I relate to you).

cathanni5

@alexkumbiye hey, thank you so much, and nah I really needed someone understanding , Dreary is a work in progress, sorry for taking so long, there will be an update coming soon since I'm on break and a have a lot of time for myself at the moment :)
• Reply

balencihazza

Hey, I don't know you but I've read the messages you posted. I understand you. I have social anxiety and am terrified of meeting new people. It's hard, and people take it for granted. I'm lucky to have some rlly close friends, but they don't entirely understand what it's like to live with mental health issues (social anxiety, depression, trichotillomania). I'm not insinuating that you have any mental health issues, just that I understand. It's very isolating when people don't get you and constantly break your trust. Just wanted to check in. I was reading Dreary and can here to ask for an update, but taking care of yourself is SO MUCH more important than anything else. Please don't feel pressured, everyone understands. And if you're looking for someone to vent to, I'm here.

cathanni5

Continuation from my last post:
          And like a lot of people would tell me to "Just Do it", but its harder than it looks because I have set so many limitations just because of how I grew up. My household preaches life is about making a good first impression. I care way too much of what people think of me, strive to be perfect, show that I'm not weak, vulnerable and can handle my own but truth is I am completely dying inside! I'm literally the most desperate, needy, weakest minded person I know. I'm pitiful to myself honestly. 
          All I really wanna do is live my own life and not care what anyone thinks, speak to people and make friends with GOOD people who have a similar or open mindset. I want to be able to be vulnerable to people and not be afraid.
          The sad part about life is though you can't trust ANYONE and I'm having the biggest crisis about that rn! I've been looking for forums or sites where people can talk about this stuff but I have found none so I resorted to Wattpad. Deadass a diary rn.
          Anyway...I don't want to live with any limitations anymore...by limitations I mean just being who I am who is not a person who wants to harm anyone or do wrong...I just want to live and not care but I've been programmed and have programmed myself to think otherwise. 
          Growing up is such a frustrating time!! :( I would LOVE good friends to just talk to in person about this stuff and I not be afraid/judged by them because it seems like being weak is a JOKE to everyone and it you're weak you're a laughing stock and cannot be spoken to anymore. I'm sorry I care what people think. I'm sorry I'm insecure on top of that. :/

cathanni5

I'm at this point in my life where I love writing stories, but I am desperate to meet new people, gain experiences I never have before and live life to the complete and utter fullest but 
          
          1)I'm too afraid of the consequences, 
          
          2) I care to much what my parents/people think of me, 
          
          3) I don't know who I am and what I like and 
          
          4) I'm too scared of judgment to tell anyone my feelings irl and that's why I'm posting it online where hardly anyone I know will see this 
          
          Damn that's rough huh, but only first world problems.