caviiss
My little girl is all grown up now and I'm so overwhelmed by this. I've known her since she was in middle school, and now I'm with her on her way to university—I have such mixed feelings about it.
caviiss
caviiss
Good evening, Baba. Today I did something—I don't know whether it's bad or good, but I just did it, and I felt like I was alive again after feeling dead every day since the day I completely lost you.
I tried to do it again these past few weeks, just so I could sit next to you and tell you that I did well in high school and that I might get into my dream college. But then I remembered only you, and I stopped. I didn't think about anyone except you, and the thought of you being angry at me because I gave up scared me so much. So I decided that I will live my life missing you until I meet you one day. I hope you'll wait for me until I come to you—you always did.
I hope you are warm up there, and I hope you are finally resting after living your whole life trying for us. I hope you have peace and comfort. I miss you so much, my angel.
caviiss
I don't want to live my life like this until I die, but it feels like that's all I can do.
I'll be laughing with someone, and in that very moment, a thought of that knife will cross my mind, making me wonder what would happen if I did it. But I just can't, so I keep laughing—just for you.
I miss you, my soulful 🪽
caviiss
But now I'm bleedin'
caviiss
مساء الخير
رأسي فيه دم
caviiss
العدم له وجود طاغي وقوي جدًا
caviiss
3
caviiss
I was the first person to be told that you were gone, and I'm the last person to believe it. I'm lonely.
ill_p7
I love you, beautiful.
caviiss
I'm not a phase
caviiss
I'm always
caviiss
Dad, you know? If I got the chance to sit with you one last time, I wouldn't talk about silly things, like my graduation, gown, or flowers. I wouldn't talk about basic, ordinary life things, like wanting to go out, asking you to take me to my friend's house, or asking you for favors. I wouldn't even just tell you how much I love you or miss you.
I would tell you how lost I am without you, and how nothing has been in its place since you left me—not even myself. I forgot how to be sad over the silly, minor things in life. I forgot how to cry over normal life struggles. I forgot how to feel sad about my own feelings. I feel nothing anymore but sadness and pain because you are not here.
I realized it yesterday when I was all alone, crying because I started to forget what your voice sounds like. Then, I had a moment where I thought about everything that has happened since you left, and I realized that I've been hurt a lot by people but I didn't cry. I only cry for you now.
I hope you are doing well up there, my soulful.
caviiss
Sudden death is scary.
One night you were warm, and your face lit up when you told me what kind of flowers you'd bring to my graduation. The next night, you were in a hospital bed, cold, your face was gray and purple, and I was crying my eyes out because I lost you before your happiness.
caviiss
Should've treated you right while you were still here. Now, the guilt is eating me alive, and I deserve it so much that I'm not doing anything about it.
I'm sorry, Baba.
caviiss
Sometimes i just look at a random spot and pretend like you're standing there
caviiss
I miss you, baba