ikeu

just logged in into Wattpad after ages and read my old messages. god
          i feel so cringe but i have to admit posting here was comforting and the people here I MISSED them
          
          (i lowkey wanna delete my old posts but still wanna keep them as memories HELP) 
          
          anyways how r y'all 

hii

kaisi hai bbg

heeyyyy

bhai

I literally cried in school twice 
          I cried in school on Wednesday when my teacher had a little emotional talk w me 
          everyone was judging me hard 
          but I can't help it honestly, I feel like having a breakdown at any given point , crying and ripping my hair out , I hate everything 

I seriously don't want to be engaged in smoking and drinking again , I'm seriously trying my best rn , thinking about all the people who trust me and expect highly from me , my mom , dad , teachers, thinking about how will they react if they ever got to know I smoke? They will be disappointed asf , which I don't want at any cost 
          But I did vape , I'm so disappointed in my self but after all it helps to atleast sleep in peace 

my family's financial status is worst , family problems is on peak rn , I don't even have much of friends w whom I can go out w , it's me and all of me 
          i love my bsf tho she always try to listen to me but atp I feel like she's tired of me and my problems too cause it's literally not ending 
          
          It's been years since all the family problems going on , I'm 17 and idk the last time I spent a month in peace 

whenever I try to be good w everyone else and make sure everyone feels good I'm considered as a DOUBLEFACED person, when they find no one to blame on , THEY JUST BLAME IT ON ME 
          
          DOES THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE?????
          even when I try to avoid everything and be far w all the politics happening it still gets me at the end 

I literally hate my class w a passion like seriously hate hate them 
          I don't like going to school it sucks 
          Idc w being alone all the time it doesn't affect me tbh but everyone looking at me  w questionable looks is so bad/worst idk?? It just hurts , even tho ik these useless creatures won't even matter to me in like 7-8 months , I'll be far away from this shitty school and weird asf faces , it does hurt me sometimes like how I'm so bad in everyone's pov 
          Like there must be something wrong w me that everyone thinks so low of me right? I wish I could get to know what's wrong so I can Improve myself