ella

my boredom's bone deep
          this cage was once just fine 
          am i allowed to cry? 
          i dream of cracking locks
          throwing my life to the wolves
          or the ocean rocks

and i don't talk shit about you on the internet
          never told anyone anything bad
          cause that shits embarrassing 
          you were my everything 
          and all that you did was make me fucking sad
          so don't waste the time i don't have 

you're so much older and wiser 
          and i, i wait by the door like i'm just a kid
          use my best colours for your portrait 
          lay the table with the fancy shit 
          and watch you tolerate it

tried to change the ending

with your feet on the ground, tell me all that you learned

he was my best friend 

benim porselen kalbim kendine de kırılır 

ben nasıl bi kadınım hiç sevilmemişim 

im so scared to admit it someone so i'll just live through it with tears streaming down from my eyes

i need, i need you more than me
          i need you more than anything