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@RustyNugent Hello! Sorry it has taken me so long for me to get back to you. literally. When you asked me to look at your work, I was stumped, because I did not believe that I was the person that you should turn to for this sort of advise. However, I will try and be of as much help as I can.
Your writing style is unique and very formal. However, these are good qualities for you to have as a writer, as, depending on the way that you structure your work you are able to suck the readers into your world. Which you have achieved so greatly.
I can tell that you are using a character to narrate the story of your main character, this is an interesting technique, and is not used frequently in the writing world. (Well not in most of the books that I have read) However, you have been able to suck the reader into your book by executing this style perfectly, enabling the readers to envision the world your character see's through the voice of the narrator.
This series is an amazing series so far, and I hold a great interest in these books that you have written.
Looking forward to reading more from you soon.
Again so sorry for such a delayed reply, I am usually on top of these things.