bab dua puluh delapan... rachel sayang, it just won't stop, will it. the grief you're holding on to is first holding on to you. i hope one day you can be set free, and even if you couldn't, i hope you'd be at peace with living in it, and even if there were no peace, i hope you, for some reason, in some God-orchestrated chances, accept that perpetual sadness, the sudden waves of grief that toss you to the shore, the shore that swallows you to the valley of the shadow of death, and the death that brings you right to Christ as both your Savior and your cross. this is my prayer, rachel. this time, don't drink it away.