This is an uphill battle. 
        I resent you for making love to my body so well in the past, 
   my mind cannot presently leave you because I'm afraid of the future.
That for as unhappy as I am now, lying in this silence and trying to figure what I really mean to you       because this cannot be it. I cannot be married to these moments forever, cannot be married to this silence, to watching you dominate the bed and slumber oblivious to the struggle            
  – that every  second.  that ticks by my mind,       I am inconsolable shades of cerise