cherisheduser
this message may be offensive
I’m never happy on my birthdays. I absolutely detest my birthdays because of how it always feels.
This year, I’ve been hoping it’ll be different but today I woke up very moody.
My birthday is tomorrow. I tried ordering a chocolate cake to make me at least have something to look forward to and it worked. For a bit.
Now the excitement is gone.
I don’t want the cake anymore.
I’m broke. I’m always broke in my birthdays and I always promise the next year would be better and for a while, it did look like it would be. But the universe had to play in my fucking face and I’d be broke on my birthday but get paid after. Funny isn’t it?
My mum is broke too, and so is my dad, and so are my brothers.
So another year, my birthday is going to be just another day.
On my brother’s birthday, my mum did a lot for him, but she’s going to be broke on mine.
Our birthdays are eight days apart.
And she said it with an apology.
And I took the apology because it’s all I do. I’m always the understanding one, always the fine one, the independent one.
But sometimes, I want to be the dependent one.
Even if it’s on my birthday.
But I can’t have that.
I tried.
I swear, I tried to look forward to it, to be hopeful, be excited.
But life fucking sucks.
And it always has a way to remind me that I’m the end, I only truly have myself.
I’ll once again be receiving no gifts from my family even though I always go above and beyond for every single one of them.
Kinda heavy, I know but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so I guess that’s why I’m dropping it here.
Hope life’s treating y’all better.
