Cho

Keane: Man, what an amazing dream! You and I were making out like a couple of high school kids on lovers lane! Though I can't remember how it ended.....
          
          (Parker pulls the collar of his shirt down to reveal a string of hickeys)
          
          Keane: DID YOU HAVE THAT BEFORE?!
          
          Parker: No.
          
          Keane: WHY DIDNT YOU WAKE ME!?
          
          Parker: ......I thought you were awake.

Giselle: I hope they play 'HOT TO GO!' 
          
          Parker: .........This is my wedding.
          
          (Cut to everybody dancing to the song at the reception)
          
          

(Inspired by Helluva Boss)
          
          (Elphaba falls put the window and lands on Glinda's table)
          
          Elphaba: ......Sorry I f***ed your husband!
          
          Glinda: What the F**K was that, Fiyero?!
          
          Fiyero: That....was the sound.....OF A F***ING DIVORCE! HAHAHAHA!

Glinda: What did you do?!
          
          Elphaba: What I had to......
          
          (Meanwhile in the Emerald City)
          
          The Wizard: WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER?!

Parker: (To Keane) Come here Bae, come sit next to me. Come and take your drawers off....damn, you at the edge of the bed. You bout to fall off!
          
          (Cut to Keane sitting on the very edge of the bed, intimidated)

Glinda: This isn't the Hello Kitty store!
          
          Elphaba: No, it's Hot Topic.
          
          Glinda: Whats the topic? DEVIL WORSHIP?!

(In the Wicked movie universe, ShenShen is planning a prank)
          
          Galinda: Oh, it's Elphaba!
          
          ShenShen: Did she get us the stuff!
          
          Galinda: Yeah, she got us the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
          
          ShenShen: Wow, where did she 12 gallons of fake blood?
          
          Galinda: ......You wanted FAKE blood?
          
          ShenShen: .........
          
          Galinda: ........I'll go call Elphie.

Keane: There are 206 bones in the human body, 207 if I'm watching Parker.

(Based on a real conversation with my cousins)
          
          Giselle: Look, I can't explain the downfall of Ellen DeGeneres without explaining Fifty Shades of Grey without explaining Twilight without explaining MY Chemical Romance without explaining 9/11, okay?
          
          Hara: I never liked Ellen anyway. Isn't she transphobic too? How can you be transphobic and a lesbian?
          
          Giselle: You'd be surprised how many if them there are. There's lots of lesbians to be scared of.
          
          Hazel: .....Like?
          
          Giselle: Sword lesbians.
          
          Hara: ....WHAT?
          
          Giselle: Lesbians with swords. Although the real world version would be Home Depot lesbians.
          
          Hara: Why?
          
          Giselle: They can kill you with power tools and their biceps.
          
          Hara: How do you know about the biceps?
          
          Giselle: ......

Keane: (to Parker's ex) Oops, got your boy! Should have treated him right, now he's with a real b**ch and he loves it over here!
          
          Parker: Yeah, I love it over here!