kpopfanhere

they taught me to love myself. they told me to love myself first...then gift it to others. but how can I when all I and the world see are flaws in me? I tried loving myself. I really did. he made me love myself. but if he doesn't look at me the same way as before...then am I worth the love? I mean he is the only one who even cared...so should I even be loved? or be hated as the people already do. I thought he was the one who saw the broken me behind my mask of smaraldo, but I guess I was wrong...he left me too... I thought I could do better in this new life...but all I get is rejection. from everyone. my charade of happiness has become a nuisance to people. but when I show my real face? I am a drama seeker. no one can help me anymore. no one can make me love myself. I need a bridge to pass this hard plight. but its almost impossible as I am standing at the edge of a cliff....and I can fall down very soon. I need him... I need someone...to make me feel loved and wanted again. cuz I know that everyone is better off without me. he is better off without me.

its been a while guys... but I'm back again in the same situation. I'm tired of being like this. he came back. he did come back . and we went to someplace beautiful. someplace...where I've never been to before. but now its all gone again. he says he's busy, no time left...yet I see him scrolling through his Instagram. long distance was supposed to be full of talks and wild chats. I thought id share bout every part of my lie with him. every sec....of my life. and all my hopes are shattered. I don't know what I want anymore. I feel so much for him...probably even love...but is it worth it to wait for a love that's only gonna hurt you? is it worth it if you know that even if good days will come..it'll always go back to the same darkness? and if the darkness is too black for the small ray of light to be visible? I mean... I'm sad more than half the time. I didn't even know if it's even a relationship anymore. I'm stuck in a  maze and I don't know how to get out. or if I even want to. because I know.. every guy I meet... I will always compare them to him... and I know they'll never be as good as him.

have u guys ever felt so heartbroken by the person u just now starting trusting? or u always did n realised just now? u tell him everything daily n now he just starts ignoring u? he's been ignoring me for a week now. I asked what was wrong n he pushed me away. idk what to do. I just know it hurts so much. idk if he's the same person anymore. so suddenly? why? I just hope he trusted me enough or as much I thought he did...? maybe even a little? at least as a friend I want to be there for him. I gave him my best, I trusted him with my secrets. I wish this is not the end. if it is...then I don't think my heart can handle one more heartbreak. idk who to talk to. idk if I can heal. idk if I'm being clingy or neglectful. I mean the best for him. I hope he knows that. n if he still doesn't't want to talk to me.....then I guess we never really were what I hoped us to be. he is my friend, the guy I like, I admire him.  I hope it doesn't change into past tense. I miss him already. I wish he comes back to me n talks about all the random stuff he brought up. I hope he's back to being silly again.

Hola tęsknie mi sister 

this story is what actually happened to me with just slight changes. this is very close to my heart. please enjoy it! https://www.wattpad.com/story/179078455

I have no idea how on earth did you find me but YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Thank you so much for reading and voting The Bad Nerd Boy ♡ I hope you’ll have amazing day cos you just made mine!!  It’s my baby and I really appreciate your support cos I know how it feels like to have none ♡   P.s. have fun finding clues and solving the mystery! ♡