this message may be offensive
a long ass rant incoming
sparing all the personal info, i moved to the US in 2018, from india and was supposed to graduate in 2022, but failed a few classes and endd up finishing in 2024 (covid and also lost my dad in 2022 dec). now its been a year since i graduated and bcz i am on f1 there isn't a lot of job opportunities here although i have a bachelors in computer science.
the loans i have, the financial pressure, the pressure to leave the country if i don't get a job in 2 more months is all weighing upon me. my mom simply says i am not trying and i don't have a vision in life. tbh half my passion died when my dad did, i stopped all my hobbies, everything i found fun stopped being fun anymore. he was also the only person who knew about me writing on wattpad.
i feel like my whole world stopped, but now its been 2 years and i feel like i can't use that excuse anymore (atleast that is what my mom says)
i am losing faith on life, i have tried to do some self harm and realised i would be dumb to go through with it. idk what i am saying or doing, i don't even know the point of me writing this here maybe i am looking fr someone to say life doesn't always remain in pain?
i am sorry if this is triggering fr anyone, i have thought a lot of times before writing this, i just don't know who to go to and all these thoughts of me not being enough, not being adequate, everything kills mee
i hope there is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel....