Hello. Hindi mo ako hater ah! Hindi naman kita inaaway eh. Ay, ano ba tong sinasabi ko. Hello, Miss Author. :)
I've read the first parts of your story because, a friend of you, I think, suggested me to read your story. Actually, I liked the plot. Really. It's like, two lost lovers, who moved on after the sad tragedy that had happen in the past, will meet again without even knowing that he is that guy and she is that girl in their past/s.
Hindi ko gustong mag-English. Trip ko lang po. Wee~ Maganda yugn story. Pero yung narration lang po talaga. Hindi ko po kaya minamaliit or kini-critic! I just wanna share my thoughts in your story as a writer and a reader.
Here are my points:
(1) Minsan nawawala yung mga punctuation marks mo. Minsan kasi wala yung mga periods, etc. At medyo nakakalito yung sentences/statements sa narration.
(2) Instead of using dashes (-) in identifying the character, mas magandang gamitin yung words na 'Sabi niya' or 'Sabi ko.' Wala lang. Mas appealing kasi yun sa mga readers.
(3) Mas maganda po siguro kung yung italicization ay gamitin niya sa mga flashbacks or quotations na lang. But it depends on you kung san mo ba siya gustong gamitin.
(4) Mas maganda rin po siguro kung yung pagbo-bold ng words ay sa dialogues niyo na lang po gamitin para ma-identify nung mga readers kung saan ba yung dialogue part. Wala lang. Mas appealing po kasi yung sa mga readers, as far as I know.
(5) I-narrate niyo po yung mga bagay na ginagawa nung character, instead of enumerating them. Wala lang. It consumes many spaces. Mas maayos rin po kasing tingnan kung narrated yung mga ginagawa na ng mga characters eh.
Katulad nga po nang sinabi ko nung una, HINDI NIYO PO AKO HATER. I just want to share my thoughts about your story. Maganda po kasi eh. Yung narration lang po talaga ang stuffs.
Wee~ I hope you'll not hate me. I'm not mean to you, right? I just want your story to be better.
God bless. More power!
~ torpedobelly