you dont wanna stay

i need to stop making new books without finishing the ones I've started.. smh

I feel like I haven't been around for my friends and for that I would like to sincerely apologise.

Today... I am a whole 21 years old. I honestly... didnt think I would make it this far. 

ayo alex

Around the sun and around again
          You seem to look right through me
          Another year being your best friend
          Feels like you always knew me
          And I'm so proud to call you mine
          Feels like I know you from another life
          
          But what if it doesn't end well
          Would you still stay?
          What if I fuck it up like I always do
          And my shit gets in the way?
          What if it doesn't end well
          Would we still be fine?
          When the world is over and we go under
          Would you still be mine?
          
          Around the clock, we can talk for days
          'Bout how we saw it coming
          Another sign written on my face
          'Cause now my blood is pumpin'
          Can you just hold me for a little while?
          My skin is crawling off your vibe
          
          

I say I'm fine
          When I know any moment my world could collapse
          I'm alright
          It's just when I breathe it gets hard to believe
          In the light
          Lie, lie to myself
          Push them away 'cause I won't ask for help
          Run and hide
          It's just when I breathe it gets hard to believe
          That I'm fine
          It's just when I breathe it gets hard to believe
          That I'm fine
          
          I'm fine :: Anthony Amorim
          
          -Alex

I'm not suicidal
          I don't wanna fucking die
          Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
          But every day I feel like dying
          Every day I feel like dying (Dying)
          
          Why do I even try
          Why do I even write
          Lyrics about how I'm living the life
          When I'm battling pain and my demons at night
          Trying to find a new outlet
          The devil pounced in
          I hear him howling, my vision clouded
          Man I tried to escape but there ain't no way
          Try to be strong when I deal with the pain
          Yeah, put a bitch in the coffin
          So my family has options
          Gonna work 'til I'm dead
          So that they get the best
          Don't wanna set up a bad example
          'Cause kids looking up
          Can't leave them in shambles
          Can't make them think clocking out is okay
          So fuck suicide, I'm here to stay
          
          -Alex (lyrics by Josh A)

I hope this doesn't freak you out
          But I thought I'd just say, "Hey"
          I know we've barely spoken out of school
          But it seems I've grown attached to the thought of you
          And to tell the truth, I use humor to mask my insecurities
          Oh I try to be funny, quite a bit
          And look at me now
          Stumbling over a joke you've probably heard before
          'Cause all I'm paying attention to is the way you look at him
          So I cross the room and clear my head
          Wishing it was me instead
          Who always keeps you interested
          I close my eyes and count to 10
          I need to stop overthinking it
          
          I might not be everything you asked for
          I know that
          And you might take a look at me and say
          "Is this the kind of guy who chases after me these days?
          Guys who use humor to mask their insecurities
          
          
          - Alex (song by Anthony Amorim)

ᴀɢʜ-...ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ɪɢɴᴏʀᴇᴅ °^°....
          ʜᴍᴘʜ! •ᴡɪɢɢʟᴇs ᴍʏ ʙᴜᴍ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴊᴜᴍᴘs ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ•

What colour eyeliner/eyeshadow should I wear tomorrow?
          
          -Alex