"For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be that girl.
The one who would get admired, looked on, the one making heads turn ahead.
I felt like it would make people like me more, and then, I could do so.
So I tried. I put makeup on, clothes that fit in the right way, smile and laugh at the right time.
But even though I tried my best, it was never enough.
I'm mean... not for others: I’ve always been surrounded, in a way or another, with people who would accept me exactly for who I am.
No, the real issue was my self-esteem.
In my brain, I never acted the right way. I was talking too loud, too fast, or too little, too slow.
I was clothing myself in ridiculous ways, too girly or not enough, too flirty or too saintly.
It was always too much, or not enough.
That’s how I always felt.
Because every time people tried to prove me I was alright, I'd find something else that would make them realize I wasn’t.
In a way, I didn’t want to be enough for anyone. I wanted to be enough for me. But I never was.
Maybe I had too high expectations, considering the way I looked up at celebrities, actresses, singers… I was never them. Never the gifted kid, the clever, talented one, in any subject.
I was just standing there, hoping my brain and my body would finally fit with my expectations.
Wishing that one day, someone would love me so much it would make me love myself too.
I loved that way, once. He was my everything, my everywhere. My place.
But that love is mine, and will ever be.
Maybe I should put it in myself.
Maybe someday I will.
Meanwhile, I’m just going to keep writing, again and again.
Until I’ve finally found my place somewhere."
