cleofriskey

So.... I'm trying out this Tap app thing. What happens when Noon gets a hold of the Gentleman's phone number? 
          	
          	*insert evil laugh here* This is going to be fun. 
          	
          	https://taptap.app.link/ZZI6MS4tyC

Jarsoh

After reading the whole thing, I'm slightly amused on how the description/synopsis of the book covers very little of the actual plot(unlike most synopses) and instead focus on the mindset of the protagonist(which is fine, considering that's the reason why most people continue to read past the first few chapters). 
          
          Also, I wished there was somehow a way to advertise your style right then and there, because your way of writing is so unique and interesting to read with all the broken-up sentences and line breaks(although I am not sure if you developed into it while writing Noon or you were just waiting for those scenes with tension). 
          
          Btw, my least enjoyed arc was Dawn's pov for some reason. Maybe the italics, or the similarities. And this is a minor point, but I didn't know what to think when almost every other main characters becomes strangely attracted to (and hence subsequently obsessed) with Noon. 
          
          Anyway, good job on the last few chapters(it had promised everything that long readers wanted).

Jarsoh

I read my previous message, and realised I didn't really make any points, but eh, just take it as me listing things you might want to consider if you haven't already.
• Reply

Jarsoh

While most of my comments are simple attempts at criticisms, the past few have been mostly comments. (In case you thought otherwise, given how useless they are.) 
            
            It's fine to leave stuff to people imagination, depending on your genre(personally, don't really think horror is apt). (Give Neil's Gaimen 'The graveyard book' a go if you haven't already. That story, I think, had a perfect mix of giving clues and leaving things to the reader imagination.)
            
            I guess I'm saying this cause nobody's ability is well-defined, so we can't safely say things like:Noon is a better fighter than Jack. If you read comics and discuss them online, then you know threads like flash vs superman debates are common. 
            
            Personally, I'm writing a book about people with abilities, and their limitations of their abilities are well-defined.(Really forces my protagonist(and by extension, me) to think creatively to get him out of any dangerous situations.)
• Reply

cleofriskey

@Jarsoh That is an extremely good point..... One of the high merits of books is how well that are read out loud. But then I went and made Noon more of a visual poetry.... The line breaks and punctuation... I shudder to even think what it would be like to read out loud. Maybe that's a flaw in my style. I wouldn't even know where to begin to describe a scene like that with enough accuracy of what I want since the very point of it is to make minimal sense because it follows Noon's thoughts and ability to focus.
            
            Hmmm. I suppose I could come up with some mundane answer like, "They've been playing these games for so long,  maybe she's just imagined it too well, or they're both so civilized they know how to dance, or they're so perfect for one another that they will always be in perfect sync with one another no matter what they're doing" but that sounds more like justifying. I'll tweak around with things and see if I can add a sentence or two to clarify. 
            
            *insert evil laugh here* You know, my great intention was to never have closure there and let the readers suffer.... FOREVER!!! MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Although I did write Noon's Last Will and Testament that I'm not sure I want to publish and I've been thinking of a short story involving the daughter.... I wanted it to be one of those great mysteries. Mwa ha ha.
• Reply

Jarsoh

Are you still alive?

cleofriskey

@Jarsoh I have a considerable amount of other works, but none posted anywhere. Writing is my entire life. However, they are quite old, and quite cringeworthy. I've been working on Noon for about 2-3 years now and haven't spent much time on anything else. 
            Currently, I'm in Japan for school (will be here all semester) so that's slowing down my writing time (much sadness). I'm going to try to kick out this chapter today. We'll see how it goes.
• Reply

Jarsoh

Do you have any other works? Would like to see your style of writing in different places
• Reply

cleofriskey

@Jarsoh except for the people on wattpad, there's no one really in my life who reads my stories. It's hard to discuss the ending, especially in a book like this, to someone who doesn't know the story.
• Reply