the feeling of his heart dropping was never one he could get used to . stare set intently on botan , jae could not bear to say anything , the thought that he would not be able to stop talking once he started beginning to rot at the back of his mind . so , he made a note to bite his tongue and keep his phrases short . after graduating from ua , his infrequent run-in's with botan always felt the same . even now -- jae was just a couple of months from being twenty - five and he still couldn't do so much as talk to the person he used to spend so much time with . he could not help but despise that about himself .
" what if "'s tended to plague his thoughts . what if he had just told the other exactly what it was that he felt towards him , when he planned to do so ? quite a few things would be different . even if the conversation did not end in jae's favor , they would still have some form of knowledge . the air would not be so thick , and perhaps the silvery-haired male would know what to say to him . or , he wouldn't be so uptight about what he said , that is .
jae had just recently killed his mother . the aftermath was uplifting -- he could feel his spirits rise and his breath get lighter . but this . / this / still hurt . and it was his fault for not doing something about it while the feeling was still fresh . by now , it was an irrelevant topic . it no longer mattered .
he was never one to dwell on what could have been , but seeing the tall blond tended to kick every possible feeling of nostalgia back into him , like one unrelenting storm of heartache . he hesitated , before mustering up every ounce of courage he had left in him to say something to botan . " it's . . been a while , hasn't it ? " now what the hell would you say that for , you absolute idiot ? of course it has -- it has been seven years since you frequently talked to this man and you still could not even handle saying hello to him ?
