@qwertyboburnham I read your story and I like how you throw in all those people in together.......and I fangirled a little at the mention of Markiplier.
Anyway I think you should maybe add a little drama and some tension maybe a death scene...a laughable death scene, for example, someone says something like: "No, don't look at me, I'm not pretty when I die." then someone else says: "When have you died before?" "In FNAF, that game is a pain in the butt." But I think your story is good so keep it up! :)