complex_me

Lukas. 
          
          who knew that would have been the last time I would see you.

all this n I still lost my virginity 

like I had been born with the sole purpose of not being beautiful

does anything actually matter anymore? 

I hate that this body isnt the body I want. I hate how hard I try(I dont) and it still doesn't change will I ever be good enough? 
          
          soon? now? never? 
          
          I'm going to change

reading your mind, virtues through your dreams. 
          
          I truly am blind. not was or now I am, but in all, I truly am blind. 
          
          so blinded by your eyes 

how can I ever fall in love with you again? 
          this sweater, in my dreams, dreaming it's you
          
          those hands and nails, 
          that skin against bare bones, muscle, your veins, and innards. 
          you're skin holding you close and comfortable. 
          
          O', I've gone insane. 
          do me again and again, take this mind and riddle it again with your words, you riddler. 
          
          I love how you've mixed me. 
          I love how you think so subtly of me. and why do you smile at me so much. not one day, do you laugh at my face, is it that I'm ugly? 
          
          how come your beautiful smile shows when I'm around you? you confuse me, is there something wrong with my face, is that why you smile at me? are you laughing? 
          
          I hate it how i think of myself, but I love you. so how can I actually truly love you when I cringe and cry of the thoughts that I've done to you? 
          
          I wish I could have shown you what my true love actually is. 
          and I wish I could have told you a simple kiss wasn't supposed to signature my love. I was happy to kiss you for the reason I was in love with you, and you didn't even like me. you, you, I hate you. 
          why? 
          
          
          

I killed myself when I fell in love with you
          This love I've called love, had given to you and
          O' soul, be mine. And you devoured, 
          
          Had none left of me. Everything is gone of me, because of you, you are the only one to me. You are just like fungi, control me and alter my perception to only view me, yet I mindlessly do it. 
          
          This is not obedience, neither is it manipulation, because you literally had left me no final words. 

bones against skin

you're so beautiful, 
          why had I kissed you. 
          
          you asked me if I was gonna kiss you, you asked if I'd like to. of course. 
          
          I shouldn't have. I wanted you. 
          
          I shouldn't have done anything to those pips of yours. why me, of all this time w h y. 
          
          how come I was meant to ruin people. people who come my way. they all have memories of me. I don't like it. forget me. 
          
          I want everyone to hate me. just not this one person, be it, then my world will come crashing down. physics play its part. 
          
          I don't like it I don't like it anymore. 
          
          why was it me who you crossed paths with. 
          
          had I not kissed you, maybe none of this would have happened. 
          
          you were surprised I did. 
          
          I loved you
          
          I'm so confused and hurt. why was this to happen. 
          
          why did this happen to everyone. 
          
          why did I happen. truly. 
          
          I hurt so much people. had I not been here, none of this would have happened. I'm like a filler. 
          
          I deserve no love, so please, do stray from me. 
          keep going further, do not be afraid to hurt me with those cold hands accompanied with that cold heart and that cold gaze. 
          
          I wish I could have made you warm, I wish I could have made you happy. I wish all these things. but you only gave me 2 weeks with your love. 
          
          you made me look stupid and I made you look stupid.