corbin_draws_84

Hey Lily! I’m sorry I haven’t been talking for a while. I haven’t been at my best mentally. Anyways, how are you doing? I hope you’re doing well. 
          
          I promised I was going to talk about the other two people right? So here we go! 
          
          Arden is one of the other people. They are very sweet and always there when I need them. They are very creative with their words and even tend to do old fashioned talk. They are the werewolf I referred to earlier. Again, protective and violent for those they love but a big baby when just around them. 
          
          Grey is a smol bean. It is super sweet and very kind, despite their struggles. They are going through a lot of things and yet still find time for others. They are a frog, hyper and weird but super sweet and gentle if they like you.
          
          Anyways, our angel, it’s pretty late over here, so I’m going to wrap this up. I love you, and stay safe up there!!

Hey Lilly! How is your evening? I hope it’s amazing. I hope you had an amazing day. 
          
          Anyways, I promised I’d talk about my partners right? So a little bit has changed, I confessed to Conner, and he agreed to date me, but far in the future. The others are Ink, Grey, Octo, Rouge, and Nexxie. 
          
          Ink is wonderful, their like a Logan (from Sanders Sides, I can talk about that tomorrow!) incarnation. She has such a way with words and her writing is beautiful. It’s like music, but in their language. Everyone has their music, you just have to find it! Ink is like a seamstress, but with words. Sewing them together into a beautiful sentence. 
          
          Nexxie is...so sweet. Fae have artistic talent and are really good when knowing somethings off with a specific person. That way it can check up on me when I’m not feeling well!! I love faem so much. They are...how do I put this...like a fawn!! They don’t trust easy, but once they do they have great instincts and know when somethings wrong. 
          
          Octos an alter, but he’s super sweet. He hates knowing I’m in pain, and wants to help but doesn’t know how to. He’s like a kitten, confused with sadness and wants to help, so just nuzzles into you and doesn’t realize it helps. I wish there was a way to show him that what he thinks doesn’t help me helps so much. 
          
          Rouge...is Rouge lol. There’s no other way to put that. He’s quite very protective, but if you’re struggling and just need him there for you, he’ll scoop you up and hold you as you cry on his shoulder. He’s like a wolf (Imma mention someone else who is too, but they are my werewolf, not my wolf) protective of family and doesn’t let anyone hurt them and always has their guard up, but let’s it down around those he loves and is a big baby too. I like to call him my puppy
          
          There is two more people I’ll have to talk about tomorrow, but for now Imma tag the ones I did talk about so you can find them. I love you our angel. Stay safe, and keep watching over me!!
          
          @Ace_Magpie
          @JanusTheAkuma

Hey Lilly...it’s been almost a year since you last posted on here...and a year since we lost you...there isn’t a day I go through life without missing you. I wish I could see your smile, hear your voice and laughter. I bet that’d sound like music. You were so poetic with your words in our rps...I miss them...I wish you had stuck around for me to be able to experience them one last time...before you left. Conner let me see you. You’re so pretty...I wish you didn’t have to suffer. I wish you didn’t suffer that much...you were too much of an angel for that. But now you’re gone, and...there’s no way to get you back. I’m sorry... 
          
          Anyways...things have gotten worse for me. I uh...I started cutting, and I’m a couple hours clean as of now. Suicidal thoughts are...never ending, and always there. I’m trying to get better. But it’s hard...everything seems worthless. I have so many scars on my legs and thighs it isn’t funny, and I only started in April. It’s been a struggle lately..more so than usual. My dads abusive, and I only just discovered that a little while ago. Wish I hadn’t...might have made it through things easier. I’m going to start posting more on here, updating you every day on how things go. I’ll check up on you too!! Hopefully somewhere I’ll get a response. Maybe you’ll show up in my dreams! I’d love that...I’d be able to say good bye for real. Oh uh, I have some partners! Of course we aren’t dating right now, but they are amazing!! I have QPPS too, one of them being Conner. He’s so sweet. I’ll talk about my partners later mk? I love you so much Lilly. I never got to say it so I’ll say it now. I love you. More than anything. I know you’ll remember me, crazyweirdo37. Until next time, our Angel. Keep a look out over us okay? I’ll fight for you...every day. I’ll do it. For you. So I can see that smile on your face knowing I made it through another day of life. And then when I can see you again, I won’t ever let go  of that hug. I love you, our angel. Stay safe <3

rip I miss you so much 

Monday - November twenty-third-2020
          A life was lost.
          
          2008 -2020
          Lilliana Hardin, age twelve.
          
          You will be greatly missed, my friend. I hope you're in a better place now. ♥️

Honestly I might end up leaving this app I don't see much point anymore. I have great friends here but other than that I just dont see a point. I'm sick and tired of this constant bullshit in my life. I was happy for months, confident and proud of myself. What the hell happened? WHAT HAPPENED? I want an explanation. I want an explanation as to why this shit never stops. I can't even get a therapist appointment because my mom keeps cancelling them. Honestly I'm just sick of living, I'm sick of people, I'm sick of talking, and I'm sick of myself. Everything makes me mad! Fucking everything! I just want to give a grand ol' "FUCK YOU" to everything and everyone except for a few select people. By a few I mean 4. I'm not even scared of my own thoughts at this point, I aint scared of nothing. My crush, WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND, Ignores me until he's bored, and he'll suddenly switch to "can we talk? i miss you.." FUCK YOU. I TRY TO REACH OUT TO YOU AND YOU TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME THEN YOU TRY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME? No. No, I'm done. I'm done. All my friends I know in real life treat me like shit, why I am not noticing this until now? My family treats me like shit, saying stuff like "just because you feel sad doesn't mean you get to make other people feel sad too." It makes me want to MURDER THEM. 
          
          I CAN'T EXPRESS THE MIX BETWEEN MISERY AND ANGER THAT'S CONTROLLING MY MIND RIGHT NOW. I'M SO DONE. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE. I'VE HIDDEN ALL OF MY EMOTIONS WITH THE FEAR THAT PEOPLE WOULD THROW ME AWAY BUT FUCK IT. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE. I'M SO DONE. I'M PAST THE POINT OF DONE.
          
          
          LIFE WOULD BE BETTER IF I NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.