Creep

Who else is sitting in front of their online class while in the middle of a mental breakdown?

Strangest thing just happened. From one moment to the next I felt suddenly aware that I was growing up. Strange. I’m glad all the same.

I am just a creep

Every word she speaks sends daggers to my aching heart. Tearing me to pieces. I grasp on to every bit of hope I can find, trying desperately not to lose the thought that kept me alive. I’m her best friend. I used to be more. 

Taking a walk in the few centimetres of the first snow is the most peaceful thing that exists. Quiet surrounds you except for the soft crunch of snow beneath your feet and you can see the swirl of your breath in the street’s light. 

I don’t know what I’m doing to be honest.

My emotional bomb exploded yesterday. Glad it’s all out there just not glad how I put it out there. Smashing shit on people’s head can be very satisfying but it isn’t the best way to make friends. I am now dealing with the frustration that comes with everyone reminding you what you’ve done wrong. 
          
          Like I don’t already know! You think I wanted to hurt someone? I’ve also apologized and taken full responsibility but I understand that they are still angry but I can’t do anything about that right now. I promised I wouldn’t do it again. Now I’ve got to make sure I don’t explode again. Gotta fix my problems if they expect me to keep my promises true

Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone on earth had a collective scream to release some pent up anger at the same time? If everyone started screaming at a specific time? Schools should do this. Kinda like a moment of silence but it’s a moment of pent up frustration.

A cute girl walks by my locker
          she Lifts my spirits
          my heart Ignites in my chest
          gone is my Sorrow
          all my shallow thoughts Obliterated
          forgotten are past actions of Negligence 

My heart doesn’t belong to me. 
          It was stolen years ago by a woman I call a friend.
          Now I spend my days giving advice about a man I don’t believe is right for her. 
          She deserves someone who cares about her and doesn’t wish to change her.
          If I knew she was happy I’d gladly step down.
          But I fear she is not.
          Only time will tell what happens to us next.
          One thing that will not change is my love for her.