《~Dreamer~》

I don't even know what to type anymore- um- 
          So today.. I nearly had a mental breakdown lol- 
          So basically- someone asked me to change seats to this place with a really bad vibe( I'm not even exaggerating. It was so horrible I couldn't stand it)
          I didn't want to turn it down and make them feel as if I were being selfish so I agreed- and I don't have many friends in the first place.. I was never others first priority-- so I was darn lonely. 
          Can you imagine going to a place EVEN LONELIER? I really almost just broke down right there. I wanted to go back so so so bad. I hated the vibe there. 
          My tears were already just.. falling already. Uncontrollably. 
          I had to pretend like I was fine. 
          But then my teacher stepped in and be like: oh you can't change your seats during covid. 
          My first thought was: OMg tysm, ily Cher!!!!
          Seems childish I know but my self control was like depleting. You know when you just bottle up all the feelings and all of a sudden that bottle is gonna tip over in front of people you don't want to let them see you're crying but this all just adds on the burden and you just wanna run out of class?
          
          I can relate. 
          
          I really hate life already. Stupid life. Why do you exist. 
          
          Kind people are no longer existent.

i want to cry
          
          the burnout is serious

hello people- sorry im posting too much abt myself lol- 
          
          I have this problem where I can't look into people's eyes 
          lol- idk whether it's cause I'm just shy or what but I can't look into other people's eyes without having a burning feeling in my eyes in less then 2 seconds- 
          (do i forget to blink when i look at others? hm..)
          
          anyone else has this problem-? 
          
          Ok but right, if you know me irl and you did notice this abt me (@jinxuan_tea only rly lol) please don't misunderstand it kay.. It just an anxiety problem 
          heh 

If I claim to be aromantic but am touch deprived(NOT SEXUAL- just yknow, soft stuff) am I still aromantic?
          
          Btw, and dominants or switches here that secretly likes being a sub once in a while? :3
          I lub y'all u3u

So um hi..
          I’m very sorry for not updating. I’ve been writing a new book. But my mental health is really.. not working out for me(?) 
          I’m unable to tell anyone about this other than.. Y’all.. 
          i will be on a hiatus for writing. But I will still be on wattpad. Im very sorry. I feel like my whole.. life is just gone. 
          No one is real anymore. Im not real. I don’t know. People hate me. I used to love giving advice to others who seemed to be facing depression. 
          I say:
          It’s ok, you’ll get over other. Don’t let this drag you down. 
          But now as I myself am on the brink of depression, it’s not that easy. No one is even there to tell me I’ll get over it. No one. 
          Kinda hurts. 
          I’m just staring into blank space, at times imagining scenarios where I fail my Teachers my parents or myself. Or imagining that someone would miraculously come and become my friend and tell me everything will be fine. But no, it’s not happening. 
          Lol
          I don’t know what my life is anymore. 
          And I feel worthless after ranting like that. Sorry, guys. Love y’all

Sooooo sOmEoNe decided to ask me wHaTs mY idEaL tYpE.. 
          idk. What should I say lol. All the girls are so good looking but I don't like any of them. All the boys look like.. eW so no. 
          But in Kpop.. I don't look at girls for some reasons ;0;
          The boys are better looking ;) esp this man in my pfp 
          
          And well..
          Actors look good too ;^;
          I guess I'm more of a shipper than someone who would have a crush on others tho. 
          Smh. 
          I mean- hEllO? The fact that I dated three times before doesn't mean it's not infatuation ok. 
          I just realized that my taste sucks. 
          Not @BlissaBlue tho. 
          
          Am I aromantic?
          Tbh, I'm not very sure. I just don't look at anyone now. I don't have a crush or stuff. So yeah I'm great. 
          Ideal type..?
          Um..
          Um..
          I don't know. Someone who has a disability makes me want to take care of them a lot. Someone bright( not noisy istg, I'm very sensitive to noise) someone.. like a leo or Sagittarius. Someone who makes me laugh a lot. 
          I also tend to like people who are older than me (smh)

soooo.. i have 5 works.. 10 reading lists.. and FIFTY FOLLOWERS!!! Tbh, i don't rly care about who follows me, only for my beautiful friends (too many actually) that are on my board, but still.. tysm ily ;^;

I honestly think I may be suffering from depression. But I have no one to talk too. I'm very tired. Exams are coming up. I feel like shit. I want to cry so badly. But I know no one will care about me crying. :) very tired. Very.

OMGGGGGGG @WANGangelXIAN tysmmmmm for the extremely GORGEOUS cover of It's okay not to be okay!! i literally love you to neptune and back -V-

i feel like dying. my mom is in a bad mood again.