Gee

Please I log in every now and then and see the notifications and I’m like why are yall reading my stuff?? No judgement on you I appreciate you all! The judgement is on me and what I wrote when I was younger I cringe…I know some of it is well cringy too! lol! But I still appreciate the readers! Anyway…I’m a young and engaged person now so that’s a thing!

hey! it's been about a year since you last updated/talked on here, wanted to see how you're doin :) 

Hey, how are you doing? :)

Okay wow! It’s been a while! Like a year! No one really cares anymore pfff but I just wanted to vent here because I feel safer doing so then anywhere else and this be eating me up. A couple months ago I just got out a 2 year toxic abusive relationship that I didn’t even know was, despite everyone telling me to break up with him. I thought he was perfect, he was not. Not at all. He was horrible actually. It’s just like wow another thing great! At this point anyway. He was manipulative, he deliberately triggered my bpd, he gaslight me, he lied to me, I have suspicions he cheated on me, and also tw lol when I passed out from too much alcohol he gave me, let me repeat he gave me, he still had sex with me. I felt totally violated when I woke up the next morning. It’s just like great I trusted another person and they made me feel like a55. But my lesson is never stay with someone who constantly makes you feel like you aren’t worth anything. It’s not worth it. He’ll gone on not caring about what happened and I’ll let it eat me. Maybe I’ll write a story to get out my anger. But anyway. Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve had a lot going on. Thank you for still reading the stupid books I uploaded. It means a lot.
          
          Xox
          Gee

are you planning on doing more korn fanfics? cause ur my favorite writer and also i loved “kill you” . i can’t find any good korn fanfics so i was wondwring if you’ll write more?

Tw
          Okay so wow. It’s been a year since I last tried to take my life. I was in a bad relationship then. The person I was dating was controlling and manipulative and used their friends to gang up against me. I was also just in a bad place. You know? It’s been a year, I kinda associate the 5th and 6th about the same because on the 6th I was stuck in bed all day. Point it’s been a year and I am feeling exactly the same way. I’m obviously not going to do anything. But I want to. I feel so suicidal and shit and scared. I just experienced some new trauma and I’m so done with going through so much. I’m done trusting and giving my heart and being vulnerable for people to hurt me and lie and betray and assault me. I’m so mad and scared and angry and tired I’m so tired I just want to close my eyes and be able not to go through this anymore. I wish it never happened. But yeah. But you know y’all who are here and support me and stuff mean a lot to me and thanks for reading my books and stuff. Xox 
          Gee  

Rant time again
          Today I realised how traumatised I actually am again. Having my trust betrayed in such a way. Having my trust taken away from me. Having my choice and decisions stolen. Being lied to for almost a year. why do I deserve this? What did I do? Just to be constantly re traumatised . To have bad stuff happen all the time. Fuck dude. I’m a wreak. In order to recover I need to call of work. I don’t trust myself to be alone. Im so destructive and depressed. I trusted him a whole load. I loved him so much. And I really am so hurt and scared and traumatised and vulnerable. What the fuck?
          Xox
          Gee

Hi all, 
          Just ignore this rant lmao I just need to get it out,
          
          I feel so lied too and hurt by someone I really thought I can trust again! It’s making me feel like I can’t trust anybody, I never expected this to happen, I never expected this to happen to me, I’m so scared and stressed and upset and angry and hurt and I feel so stuck and bad and hurt and betrayed I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have called a doctor but who knows. I’m terrified. Luckily I have a therapist now to talk to but the point still stands. I can’t believe it happened and I can’t believe it happened to me! I can’t trust people I love again. I can’t trust people full stop. They are always trying to hurt and infect you. I just I’m so crushed. Damn
          Xox
          Gee

Well I finally finished my plague haha. I’m just happy I could get it done. Definitely one of my favourite books I have written 
          Xox
          Gee

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it :)
          
          Xox
          Gee