d_syah3597

She didn't know if she even deserved to be here. She brought her knees close to her chest, hugging them tightly as she wiped her tears streaming down furiously on cheeks. It was futile. 
          	
          	It seemed like it would be another day for her to pass out due to endless cry.  
          	
          	She sniffled, dropping her head.
          	
          	/When will all of this pain end? How long do I have to wait?/
          	
          	Her hand unconsciously grabbed her bandaged neck. It felt burning all the time. Itchy, too. She scratched them slowly.
          	
          	A wound that shouldn't be exist at the first place. It was a mistake. A mistake that was done by her own carelessness. A mistake for letting her guard down and making her feeling took over her body.  
          	
          	She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. 
          	
          	She looked down. Staring her bloody fingers blankly. Well, that explained why her neck felt wet and warm. 
          	
          	Her lips wobbled, threatening to let out a hurtful wail. Everything's hurt. She couldn't know which part of her body hurt the most. 
          	
          	But here she was. Sitting in a closet in her dorm, faraway from other companions, locking herself out from outside world and chose to stay in silence without any help.
          	
          	Without a way for her to seek for help. Drown in her own darkness.
          	
          	"Please help me... Save me..." She closed her eyes, slowly getting tired by everything.
          	.
          	.

d_syah3597

She didn't know if she even deserved to be here. She brought her knees close to her chest, hugging them tightly as she wiped her tears streaming down furiously on cheeks. It was futile. 
          
          It seemed like it would be another day for her to pass out due to endless cry.  
          
          She sniffled, dropping her head.
          
          /When will all of this pain end? How long do I have to wait?/
          
          Her hand unconsciously grabbed her bandaged neck. It felt burning all the time. Itchy, too. She scratched them slowly.
          
          A wound that shouldn't be exist at the first place. It was a mistake. A mistake that was done by her own carelessness. A mistake for letting her guard down and making her feeling took over her body.  
          
          She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. She hated it. 
          
          She looked down. Staring her bloody fingers blankly. Well, that explained why her neck felt wet and warm. 
          
          Her lips wobbled, threatening to let out a hurtful wail. Everything's hurt. She couldn't know which part of her body hurt the most. 
          
          But here she was. Sitting in a closet in her dorm, faraway from other companions, locking herself out from outside world and chose to stay in silence without any help.
          
          Without a way for her to seek for help. Drown in her own darkness.
          
          "Please help me... Save me..." She closed her eyes, slowly getting tired by everything.
          .
          .

d_syah3597

this message may be offensive 
           “Me? Taking care of some brat?”.    Vivian had scoffed back then. “That would be 
               a cold day in hell, I’ll tell you that much.”
                                                  .
                                                  .
          Well, she thinks, looking at the scene in front her with half open eyelids. The dark circles under her eyes can't be even prominent. 
          
          'This is nothing but catastrophe.' She rubs her face, closing her photosensitive eyes for a while from the disturbing sight. 
          
          No matter how many times— hard,  she tries to get rid of the thought that the dirty clothes strewn all over the floor, food and crumbs splattered all over the microwave and the counter. Refrigerator— nope. She won't say it. She doesn't want to add her shit in this situation more.
          
          If she has no sense of responsibility and common sense, she might just leave the crime scene and acts like nothing happens. 
          
          But she can't. She needs to remind herself all the time that there's kids here. Bryant's girls.  
          
          Her children— demons in disguise if she's being honest. She still loves them though. And also Bryant's sun and moon. The children she and Bryant decided to take in and raise after /that black event./ 
          
          "Vivian!!" Here comes the trouble. 
          
          She inhales deeply. She can do this. Putting her perfect smile on the face, she turns to greet the twins.
          
          "If it's not my favorite mischievous twins! Hello to you too, my angels!" 
          .
          .

d_syah3597

this message may be offensive 
"It was a miracle." 
          
          "At the time I found her, she was barely breathing. I thought she's not gonna make it once the rescuers came." Grandma muttered
          
          The night was horrific. And she still couldn't get the sight out of her vision.
          
          "Bryan." 
          
          The said man tried his hardest to not flinched. He decided to not interrupt yet as his foot could not stop pacing out. Looking everywhere but the grandma's devoid expression.
          
          "Even at the verge of life almost be taken, she kept saying that one name like a prayer. With endless hope—" 
          
          "Shut up." He hissed. 
          
          It came out harsher than he thought but he really couldn't bring himself to care. 
          
          "With the blood non-stop pooling around her, broken bones everywhere, her body almost froze to death on that storm, hanging at dock that sucked most of her energy—"
          
          /Shut the fuck up/
          
          "Yet she kept muttering for forgiveness and your name—"
          
          "Enough!" His voice thundered.
          
          "Where were you?!" 
          
          Bryan spaced out, his face remained undisturbed. Hence, it didn't stop the clear beads endlessly rolling down on his face. 
          
          It mostly sounded like Vivian asking him that question rather then the old woman. Tears stained her cheeks, desperate plead and a broken heart and soul. 
          .
          .

d_syah3597

@d_syah3597 
            
            "Despite losing everything including the memory, she manages to remember your name, though still can't even know when it comes from."
            
            /"Vivian!"
            
            "That's...my name? How did you know?"
            
            "You— what did you just call me." 
            
            "Bryan? Oh, is it your name? Then are you really him? You might know me, right! Help me, tell me who am I—" 
            
            "Mama? Mama! Calm down, you're getting panic attack!"
            
            "Vivian!"/ 
            
            The grandma looked loss too, sitting limply on her couch. 
            
            "What are gonna do now, Sir? You already knew she is here all the time, what are you gonna do to her this time."
            
            Bryan eyed the elder with a long look, before giving her a shaking smile. He felt like one of his burden finally lift from his shoulder. 
            
            He let his last tears came out, before exhaled and set his pace toward the door.
            
            "Of course I'm gonna take her where she belongs. Our children has been waiting for her to come home for so long."
            
            He stopped.
            
            "Thank you for everything you and everyone in the village did for Vivian.
            And unconditionally give me a new chance."
            
            And he stepped out.
            
            "This time, I'll do everything I can to keep her away from the misery."
            .
            .
• Reply

d_syah3597

"What do you think? What should I wear today? Blouse, cardigan— hold on, maybe I should focus on  color first. Red? Orange? No, no, it's purple, right!"
          
          Vivian can't stop pacing in her chamber. 
          
          Well, it's hardly can be called as room now. She has been throwing fit for god know how long the time has passed. And she still can't choose /a decent clothing for her first outing with her first friends!/
          
          "My lady, please calm down." One of her maids, the oldest and her nanny chides. 
          
          Vivian, being a naughty brat as always, won't listen. She stomped her fit as protest.
          
          "You don't understand! I can't ruin this chance, I can't ruin everything. Or— or I will— they... gone." Her voice trails slowly at the last words, a pang of sorrow appears on her face before it turns back into a scowl. 
          .
          .
          .

d_syah3597

@d_syah3597 
            
            "I want it to be perfect! That's all. And you all must help me to make it comes true! Get it?" And she starts biting her finger.
            
            Her nanny sighs as she takes few steps closer toward Vivian, carefully not stepping on the pile of clothes.
            
            "And that's not how you ask someone else for help, right, my lady?" Gently move the girl's finger away from the mouth. "Also, what did we talk about your bad habit again?" She asks with a stern voice. 
            
            Like a two bombs showering her in the same time, Vivian bites her lips, noticing her mistakes. 
            
            Avoiding her nanny gaze, "Slight panic attack, I guess. It can't be help. I promise it already has reduced from years before. I'm not lying."
            
            Her nanny nods, smiles a little. "I saw it too and I'm happy for us." Sitting the young girl on the bed, she start cleaning the room, picking up the pieces one by one. "And what do you have to say to the person when you make a mistake?"
            
            The tone is soothing and full of patience. It makes Vivian feels safe. 
            
            "I'm sorry for my bad behavior. And..." 
            
            "Please help me, nanny. I really need your help." 
            
            Vivian knows her cheeks is flaming right now, so she looks down the whole time.
            
            The nanny chuckles. "You're getting better with this. This is really a good improvement, Vivy." She ruffles the girl's hair softly. "I must really meet this so called stoic-face-lazy sharp eyes-handsome-guy to show him my gratitude." 
            
            "Tell me, your /boyfriend/ will be there too, right? For this /outing/." 
            
            Vivian blushes even more.
            
            "He's not my boyfriend! And this is really an outing. My other friends will be there too!"
            
            Nanny giggles again. "Okay, whatever you think. But I do really need to tell him my thank. He really did change you better than I thought." 
            
            Vivian can't help but smile for real. 
            
            "Yeah, thanks to him, I guess."
            .
            .
            .
• Reply

d_syah3597

     Qayyum senandung kecil sambil mengerling jam tangannya untuk kesekian kalinya. Satu tangan cekap mendodoikan satu anak kecil dalam dukungan.
          
          Dia tersenyum ketat, menahan geram.
          
               "Bummer." Apa yang dia jangkakan dari kawannya. Datang awal? Kalau zaman sekolah pun asyik bagi janji melayu, inikan sekarang. 
          
               Kalau Farhan dan Eshal, dia fahamlah. Pasangan itu sudah ada anak sendiri kena uruskan. Ini yang single mana?! Takkan sibuk jaga anak kucing tepi jalan! Qayyum pasti Laila akan gunakan alasan itu nanti.
          
               "Mmmm..." 
          
          Qayyum tersentak. Terus fokusnya tertumpu pada anaknya. Serta-merta senyuman lebar menghiasi bibir. Dia betulkan pegangan bayi itu supaya menghadap mukanya.
          
               "Qhalish dah bangun." Dahi anaknya dikucup. "Morning, my blessing." 
          
               Seakan gembira dengan sapaan itu, Qhalish mengekek ketawa. Tangan kecilnya bermain di muka ayahnya. Makin galak tawanya diselangi jeritan apabila Qayyum berlakon seakan ingin memakan tangannya. 
          
               "Dada! Stwop! It's not yummy, hihi." 
          
               "Who said? Its looks yummy for me." Langsung ditukar sasaranya kepada pipi tembam Qhalish. "Lagi-lagi yang ni! Biar Papa makan semua jelah!"
          
               "Noooooo!" Qhalish menggeliat geli, merah muka itu ketawa tanpa henti.
          
          Kring!
          
               "Assalamualaikum~ Are we bothering father-son bonding time?" Satu suara merdu menyapa pendengaran.
          
               Salam dijawab dalam hati, terus pandangan dikalih pada tetamu tersebut. Qayyum kaku sebentar, sebelum memberi senyuman manis. Sudah lama dia tidak bersua muka dengan sahabat baiknya secara berdepan.  
          
               "Happy to see you again, Eshal." 
          
               Kemudian satu suara lagi mencelah. 
          
               "Just my wife? What about me, dummy?" Qayyum mengguling mata. Dia memandang gerangan tinggi lampai itu
          
               "Don't know you're the jealous type." 
          .
          .
          .

d_syah3597

Ternaik satu alis Qayyum. Kagum, tapi sudah dijangka Qhalish memberi riak positif pada Farhan. Sahabatnya memang tak disangka sangat bagus dengan kanak-kanak.
            
                 Farhan tertawa halus. Tak sangka ideanya berjaya. "Uncle ada banyak candy untuk Qhalish. Nak tak?" 
            
                 Qhalish langsung melepaskan tawa sambil mengangguk. Tangan cuba mengambil gula-gula itu dari Farhan. 
            
                 "Ah ah. You need to kiss me first." 
            
                 Eshal cemberut. "No, Qhalish kiss auntie dulu. Candy itu ada dengan auntie sekarang." 
            
                 Ayden geleng laju lalu melompat kecil pada Qayyum. "Noooo! Ayden dulu, Uncle Q bagi Ayden dulu kiss baby Qhalish!" 
            
                 Qayyum menghambur tawa besar. Qhalish terpinga-pinga saja melihat keluarga dihadapannya dengan kedua tangan kecilnya erat memegang gula-gula pemberian Farhan. 
            
                 Kemudian, dia merasa Qhalish cuba memanggilnya. 
            
                 "Dada, our family?" Suara kecil itu bertanya naif dan penuh berharap.
            
                 Qayyum tersenyum gembira kemudian angguk.
            
                 "Yes, blessing. This is our family." Dia mengeratkan pelukannya pada Qhalish. 
            
                 Pipi itu dikucup sekian kalinya. "And you'll meet more."
• Reply

d_syah3597

@d_syah3597 
            
            Eshal berdecit kecil, "Trust me, he's no better than me. Or worse." Dia melihat suaminya dengan senyuman nakal. 
            
                 "Hihi! Baba blushing, Mama!" Farhan membiarkan saja tangan anaknya bermain di telingannya hingga terangkat ray-ban miliknya. Sudah terbiasa. Sama saja seperti isterinya. Nakal.
            
                 Nampak saja kelibat Qayyum menghampiri mereka, Eshal langsung tanggalkan ray-ban. Senyuman semakin lebar apabila matanya jatuh pada anak kecil dalam pelukan lelaki itu. Kaki laju menghampiri Qayyum dengan kedua tangan penuh dengan beg berjenama. Farhan mengikuti dari belakang. 
            
                 "Oh, look at those baby fat. Our Qhalish look healthy and more pretty! Hai, sayang auntie!" 
            
                 "Pretty baby! Baba, down please!" Farhan angguk, Ayden diletakkan di bawah, biarkan anaknya berlari bebas menghampiri ibunya.
            
                 Qhalish yang malu dengan perhatian yang diberikan terus membenam wajahnya pada ceruk leher Qayyum. Tangan kecilnya genggam cebisan baju ayahnya. 
            
                  Qayyum tergelak kecil, comel betullah anaknya yang satu ini. Gigit lagi kan. 
            
                 Qayyum tersenyum lembut. Kepala anaknya diusap lembut. Dia tak pelik dengan dengan reaksi Qhalish. Lagipun Qhalish jarang berjumpa dengan orang baru. It must be overwhelmed for him. 
            
                 "It's okay, blessing. They are your family." 
            
                  Eshal, "C'mon, baby. Auntie ada banyak hadiah untuk awak! Kan, Ayden? Ayden yang pilih sendiri untuk Qhalish." Anaknya angguk laju, namun masih bersembunyi di belakang Eshal. Sedikit malu. 
            
                 Qhalish mengintai sedikit sebelum menutup mukanya semula. 
            
                Melihat reaksi itu, Farhan mengeluarkan senjata rahsianya. Tangan menyeluk sesuatu sebelum tunduk menyamai Qhalish. 
            
                 "Qhalish wants candy?" Terus kepala bayi itu terangkat deras walaupun sedikit. Mata itu bulat bersinar sebaik mendengar perkataan ajaib itu. 
            .
            .
            .
• Reply

d_syah3597

"Han, what'd you see me as?"
          
          "Why did you ask?"
          
          "I asked first, you have to answer it."
          
          "You..."
          
          Eshal nodded, her face remained blank. She looked at the guy's face for the last time before turning away and started to tidy up her things, ready to leave.
          
          "I get it. You don't have to force yourself." 
          
          /You're always doubtful when it comes to me./
          
          She could feel her eyes starting to get blurry and hot. 
          
          /You hardly accept my existence in your life./
          
          She really needed to go somewhere else. She didn't think she could hold this feeling any longer. Everything was too overwhelmed. 
          
          The moment she saw Farhan's hand tried to reach her, Eshal didn't mean to cruelly brush the hand away as she took a few steps back, accidentally bumped her body with the chair. 
          
          And now all eyes were on her.
          
          Everyone here looked at her with that judging eyes, /like she had made a big mistake./
          
          Farhan stared at her with an inexplicable expression on his face as he stood there unmoved. He looked at his hand first, and focused on Eshal again, still flabbergasted.
          
          /She really didn't mean it./

d_syah3597

@d_syah3597 
            
            Eshal exhaled, "I will get lost from your sight now, no helps needed." She mastered her best smile, plastered it on her face. 
            
            "It's already past 5.30. My dad will be furious if I don't get home right now." 
            
            "We go together. I'll send you home." Farhan determined as he quickly packed his belongings up. 
            
            "I, too, promised Miss Thea for a bouquet last day. We're on the same way—" he reasoned.
            
            She bit her inner cheek. /Bouquet/ 
            
            "She's outstation, and won't be here for days. Just come another day." She turned her body and started walking away, slowly leaving Farhan alone. 
            
            "No needs to accompany me today, I'm doing fine alone. It's not even my first time." She stole a glance. 
            
            "Helena would prefer you more, Farhan."
            
            Farhan gritted his jaw, tighten his fist. Helena would be totally fine. That girl was more than enough to take care of herself. She was only clingy much to his dismayed. 
            
            Farhan didn't— couldn't understand.
            
            "I do prefer you more, Eshal." It came out with a hoarse voice, barely reached Eshal's hearing. 
             
            Eshal stopped.
            
            She turned around for the last time and gave a light-heart laugh with that cheeky smile.
            
            "Goodbye, Farhan." And then, she left.
            
            Crack. 
            
            Farhan gripped on his leather bag starting to loosen. His chest felt tight and suddenly he couldn't breath properly.
            
            It's not a see you soon, but rather a goodbye. 
            
            And Farhan started to feel the feeling of fear again. 
            
            Fear of losing Eshal.
• Reply

d_syah3597

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          spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm spm SPM!!!

d_syah3597

"In my whole life, I never got any praise from anyone." 
          
          "Nor my family." 
          
          "That's why I can't control my emotion when someone suddenly gave me a good expression on something I did."
          
          It was a weird sensation. It left something unbearable in his chest. Yet it felt undoubtedly—warm.
          
          He liked it. He /loved/ it.
          
          He wanted more. He wanted to feel belonged.
          
          Therefore, there was a wall. A wall that he couldn't past by.  
          
          "I'm scared." 
          
          "If I ask for more, If I attach to all of you too much and become obsessed with it—" 
          
          "I'm scared I will loss everything I love."
          
          Being the strongest was no fun. It only made you sacrificed lots of things.  The more you fought and the more you won— the more enemies you will have. 
          
          "That's why I rather be seen as a hypocrite lunatic mad dog that everyone wants to kill." 
          
          "I don't mind being hated or punished. Because I'm used it already."
          
          "But, I'm sorry." He breathed heavily as the clear beads flow non stop on his cheeks.
          
          His chest felt tight and barely let him breathing.  He clenched them trying to sooth the pain— he closed his eyes.
          
          "I'm sorry for being hard on all of you. I'm sorry I can't be the leader you want. I can't give you the compliment you hope for. I just— can't. I know my actions look utterly cruel in your eyes." 
          
          He gave a wet laugh. 
          
          "Believe me or not, everything I did only to make you stronger. Even you have a hard time to acknowledge it."
          
          "One day, you don't need me anymore to protect you. And can walk on your own."
          
          Like the fireplace in front of him, blazing brightly keeping everyone here warm. He really hoped the children would be like this in the future. 
          
          He believed them would.
          
          He cracked a gentle smile on his lips. 
          
          "For now, hate me as much as you want. If only this way to get you stay close with me."
          .
          .
          .
          
          "He's the strongest among us, yet the youngest. And suffered the most." 
          
          He's still a child.