Well the new year started off terrible... The morning was fun we just sat on the couch and watched newsies and then we watched a lot of live pd night watch... Then we went outside and thats when things got bad... We went outside and started a bonfire... I had gone back inside and was going to make hot cocoa... I was waiting for my sister to get done and my dad knocked on the window and yelled at us to come back outside... I was trying to tell him that we were making hot cocoa and would be out in a few minutes but no... He ignored what I was saying and yelled that he is tired of us just sitting around doing nothing... I broke... The first time since i last tried ending it and that's what broke me... It might not seem like such a big deal to ya'll but that's just one of my sorta triggers... Feeling useless and people reminding me i am... I sat down on the floor and just rethought how I looked at myself... Heres what I got... I'm a useless human being thats messed up in the head... That night I also jumped into our pool outside and that was freezing... I just wish I could have caught a cold or something... I'm just gonna be alone forever... My friends don't want me, my bf seems to do fine without me, and my parents and sisters they hate sharing a house with me... So if I have to live then I'm just gonna live being lonely... No one loves me... No one wants me around because well they know I'm a suicide freak!... Well at least I have myself... Which also hates me... So I'm screwed... Hope yall had a better new year...
