shot by the police

I'm not enough.
          
          I am realizing that I push a lot of people away.
          but I don't know how to be a good friend.

Just found out my Mama's waiting till I graduate highschool to divorce my mom.
          ....
          FOUR AND A HALF MORE SCHOOL YEARS LEFT OF THIS HELL :/

"you gotta thank mom then"
          FUCK NO.
          I AINT THANKING THAT MOTHERFUCKER FOR ANYTHING SHE'S DONE
          I DONT CARE IF SHE DID SOMETHING GOOD.
          SHE'S FUCKING THIS FAMILY UP.
          

I think the reason I'm baking more is to get my mom's attention and to make her happy.
          But then she gets mad she's like "are you trying to make me fat?!"
          
          She keeps yelling at me over stupid shit.
          Both me and my mama hate her guts.

Oh great I slept in again.
          Fucking hell.
          
          I just want to go to school.
          I think.
          Then again I plan to drop out.
          But not now!
          I have wonderful teachers.
          Like.
          
          Also my phone keeps tilting to the right like it's trying to show someone what I'm typing.
          I don't like it.
          I can't control it unfortunately lol
          
          I might genuinely fucking cry because I want to go to school.
          Even if I hate it. I still want to go to school.
          This week has not been my week at all.
          I'm just tired of life and everyone.
          And I keep baking more?
          I don't know.

Why is the only person who I think can help me with all my problems..hates my guts. 

Am I the only one that likes the taste of blood?
          
          I'll lick your wounds for ya/jk 

Hard and fast.

One moment I'm chugging the whole thing of vodka, and the next im staring at my bedroom walls thinking about how badly I want a cool room and not a room that's a fucking mess.
          
          Crazy how May wasn't yesterday. 
          It's been months since May.
          Holy fucking shit.

I hate when people are like "Christmas isn't just for the gifts! Jesus died for our sins!!" 
          For you maybe!
          Not everyone celebrates Christmas the same!
          My family doesn't even put up decorations anymore. We have a stack of gifts in our living room that's about to fall over because idk how to stack things properly.
          We aren't religious. We never were. Except for my mama, but I don't think her childhood trauma from church can count.
          We wake up Christmas morning, or usually afternoon lol, do the stockings, which we aren't doing this year.
          I genuinely don't know why my grandma bothers to buy us Christmas ornaments anymore. We arent even putting them anywhere. Besides collecting dust in the garage or something.
          And then open gifts.
          We also on Christmas Eve we go to my grandma's house, eat ham and then she gives us presents. It's money now that I'm a teenager lol.
          
          But yeah.
          We aren't religious.
          We celebrate Christmas.
          Not everyone is doing it for the sake of religion.
          So please kindly shut up.
          And have a great day.