rs

god dammit. why am i here reading through all the conversations again? it hurts.

it’s almost been two years. two mf years. 
          
          where are you? i’m looking for you and you’re nowhere to be found. are you safe? are you alive? please tell me everything is okay. i miss you and i love you.
          
          

I don't know you.. But, I miss you. For him.
          
          I miss him, also. 

I know I have messed up, and I am sorry I do that time to time. 
          
          But thank you for loving me unconditionally and staying with me even though I am one of the most annoying people ever.

I hate how everything isn't in my favor.

2 years ago I fell in love with somebody whom I never thought would make me feel this way.
          
          In those 2 years, you have never failed to be there for me no matter what. Even when you had me believing to hate you for what you have done, and I forgave you. I'm still in love with you, but more as a best friend. 
          
          You haven't talked to me for a while and I just wanted to say thank you for being my bestest friend in the world, we had our "moments" and you helped me become who I am now. You've guided me to experimenting things on my own and you spit the truth on my face with not saliva but words, because it's the only way to knock some sense into my head. 
          
          You'd have to be rude to make me build my wall up. You'd have to tell me everything is a joke in order to make me loosen myself. 
          
          You made my other me who she is now because of you, you helped me. 
          
          You told me who is right and wrong for me, you called me these words because to cheer me up. 
          
          I love you, Phil. 
          
          

It's like you know there is something wrong with yourself but you can't help but keep telling yourself that everything will be okay. 
          
          As the days pass, the darker and deeper it becomes. 
          
          You don't understand how much I need you right now, and I keep pushing you away because it's what I do. And out of all people, you shouldn't walk out the door even if I hold it open for you. 

Hello there- Thank you for the follow! Hope you're doing well. 

When all goes well, they must come back to haunt you. 
          
          No one will be here.
          
          5/16/16

"I'm not important. No one needs me."
          
          - 4/14/16 last.