they always say i am nice in front of me and then when i am not around, they would talk differently about me to others. people turn their back on me just because i am annoying, just because i brag about the negative side of life too much and bring my negativities around. if you know that, why don't you talk to me to solve it? why do you tell others what you think but not me? it's ok if you hurt someone with the truth and what you think rather than hiding it away from them. i know that my negativities are directly affecting you, so i have always tried to hide it away, pretending to be happy. but then some people just triggered me in many ways and make it burst like a river burst its bank. ok, now what? i give up. it has been you guys who have been giving me energy and happiness but i cannot pay back anything, right? i am going to stop for some times and during the time that i am not doing anything, i will try to write some drafts and upload them later. maybe i am gonna delete this account if possible