venti

I'm afraid of change
          who will I be if I can't be their little angel anymore

let me sprout for eternity;
          an abhorrent beanstalk I'll never be

I'm afraid of growing up

fermenting lavender
          subject me to your pain
          shield this heart and make it vain
          suffocate me deep in orchids
          mold me into dandelion seeds 
          and allow my flesh grow me abundant

I only exist under your gaze
          paint me every shade of violet that appeals to you 
          blooming orchids form a white picket fence 

the rain keeps thrumming down and it's inconsolable, it won't stop

I wish the sanctuary was waterproof 

it's our secret transaction
          thank you for being my sanctuary 

keep whispering around me
          I won't hear it
          I won't allow myself to
          They won't allow it

take the attention off of me
          I wouldn't want to subject your eyes to the sight of me
          thank you for being nice to look at for me