Innocence by @avDODGERS_25
1. Nobody cares what shape you clock is .
2. Albeit.. dude.. you are not 50. I had to google the word to make sure he wasn’t gray’s grandfather.
4. It isn’t “Deeply breathing”if its at the end of the sentence. It should’ve gone “tucked under a blankhet , breathing deeply”
5. “crouched down on her side” I’m pretty sure you meant “by her side” because if you didn’t it would mean that he was literally on the her side of her body.
6. How does one “ roar the engine to life”? and I’m not even kidding I really wanna know what you think that means.
A couple more grammatical errors that I’m too lazy to point out :p
7. “He even thought of ripping away the white mask she never takes off her face, but if it wasn’t her, she’s completely against violence” like.. what does this even mean?!?!?
8. Entire sixth paragraph I be like waaahh?
When you write a story , all its chapters, paragraphs , sentences and words should be in sync. The sixth one is pretty much chaos. Not even like organized chaos just chaos.
That’s all for now cuz I don’t wanna bore you guys to death and I’m a lazy person. Check out innocence and let me know what you guys think. #honestopinion #amethyst adios!!
