I am 16 years young. Throughout my life I have suffered from not liking what I see in the mirror. I choose not to care what others think of me, it's what I tinker of myself that matters. But how can someone do that when they can't look at themselves and be happy? Easy they do what I do and starve themselves to the point they pass out, go to the hospital and almost die, then come back out to starve themselves again. I have struggled with my weight my whole life, always being the heavier kid. By the summer before 6th grade, I weighed 182lbs and I was no more the 5 foot 3 inches. I think back to those moments and become depressed, I don't ever want to go back to that fat assignment slob I was. I go to a clinical specialize in eating disorders and have been going there for 3.5 years. I have in a anorexic mindset for 4 years, but I have always thought skinny was the only way a person could be pretty, but not happy. I also see a registered dietitian who also specializes in eating disorders and have been going to her for 3 ears and 4 months, and without her I probably would eat nothing everyday. I also see a therapist, I've seen many. I am also VERY shy, I have ALWAYS been shy. People ask me my, because I am afraid of what people think of me when I make conversation. I also lack self esteem, butt when I'm at my skinnier weight I feel as if I can make a whole conversation about anything, to anyone. But my lowest weight, just like my highest, is unhealthy. The lowest I weighed was in the middle of 10th grade and I got down to about 80lbs. I was happy with that weight, eating 600 calories a day and not thinking there were consequences, oh but there were. On January 13th 2014, I was admitted into a hospital for having a low heart rate. Within a couple of days I was eating from 600 calories to over 4200 calories, from junk. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks! And honestly my eating disorder only became worse, I was so beyond depressed. I then had to go to a treatment tha