Hello, people who are currently reading this. If anybody is reading this. Although I suppose if nobody does read this, then nobody will be able to mock me for writing this paragraph and addressing a nonexistent part of the population. My plan is absolutely foolproof. I'd laugh diabolically here except that it never quite comes across the same way in writing, and also because there is nothing particularly diabolical about what I have just said. Or is there...?

Where was I?

Oh, right, this is supposed to be a paragraph about myself. To begin with, I am a carbon-based, multicellular, heterotrophic organism equipped with a multitude of biological systems, among which are a closed circulatory system with a four-chambered heart, lungs which utilize negative pressure for respiration, an internal skeleton with a semi-flexible vertebral column, and a central nervous system consisting of countless nerve cords and nerve bundles which all end at a rather magnificent brain. I am also a biped, and use my two lower appendages for movement, unless I am using a car, a bus, an airplane, or any other sort of vehicle for transportation (which, let's face it, is most of the time). My hobbies include such diverse activities as occupying space, having mass, and converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. And also figuring out how to say that I am a human being in the longest, most convoluted, and most aggravatingly pretentious way possible.

Also writing. See, I only have one novel uploaded at the moment (which is an unfortunate product of NaNoWriMo so bad that it is hilarious), but I do actually take writing very seriously. The problem is that when I am actually serious about something I take approximately eighty-seven times longer to finish it, and bury myself in multiple drafts and editing and revising and prewriting and...post-writing... So the things I actually post are going to be ridiculous parodies and the like which will, hopefully, keep you entertained and laughing.

Enjoy~