ayaaa

seems my best friend, my only one friend that knew my story although just a bit, already forgot me. she already had so much friends that better than me. richer and can give her everything than me. i'm sorry for that gift that i gave to you last month. if thats too cheap or useless for you. but, i wasn't eating for several times to buy it.. its fine.
          
          usually she always remember my birthday, but not this year. she forgot me already. its fine. 
          
          i will just life for a bit time again. just until i can work, pay that damn debt from my stupid parents, and go away from this trash world. fck everything so sck. 

Tok tok. 
          
          Permisi, ini ada promosi cerita baru dari penulis baru. Berkenankah Yang Mulia Mampir? 
          
          Arigatou. 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/364613741?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=Cloudwhite432

A year ago, that girl was so depressed and couldn't even laugh or smile. She only felt a full of disappointed of everything. Didn't wanna trust anyone also, too tired to love someone else. Two years ago, that girl was tired about her life as well, she just couldn't do anything but kept going, forced herself to just do her best always, and of course she got it. But, that was not a long happiness right? Everything disappeared so fast, as the night changes. Three years ago, she committed to die. She couldn't even cry when she was in her worst, it was too hurt to remember, too sick to kept in mind. Four, five, six years ago.. She was in disaster. But, how about now? Huh, i think she is just... trying to keep living as good as she can. Happy Birthday for that girl. Happy Birthday to me. 

[I'm sorry, but being on your side isn't my job anymore]
          
          I already knew how dirty i am if supposed to walk beside of you. So, i decided to leave. I will try to keep walking although its so cold being alone. But, don't worry, probably i will come to you again once or twice, just for looking for the warm left. I hope you can always walk in your way or more being more happier in your sight. 
          
          I love you. always. 

[There's Nothing Some Reasons Someone Love me]
          
          I already knew, if i choose this way, no one can love me. No one can save me, no one can hug me although myself. I have decided to walk in this way. Isn't it that i really want? Life alone? But why... Why i started to think stupid about that again? Remember.. Ayy.. You are.. not good enough for anyone... You committed to die, you decided this way. But why.. Why you want someone hug you? Why you want someone kiss you? Why you want someone.. understand about you? 
          
          Or you just wanna keep living? Or you already found something that make you can keep breathing? Actually, the answer is nothing. The one that make me can stand until right now is my own short purpose... my close friend.. my ambition.. my direct stupid think.... Thats all.. actually so fine. Just please keep living, keep living until all your stupid think can be come true.. keep living until.. you found someone that can hug while caressing your hair slowly and whispered "I love you".

1640 day, Before i die. 

I finally come back. Just to continue my bad story again. Cause no one creatures i can tell about my story. I'm really tired. Very very very. Its been a long time but i still the same. No difference between me rn or in the past. 
          
          I'm really tired. I knew if i have to d i e for the first time. Make me still life until now is just a mistake. When you will take my soul? 

really? in this time i didn't want to die first! i have something to do before i die. and i hope i can always love it and can get it one day. so, finally i can arrive on my day die. 

[I shouldn't approach to someone when i'm broken] 
          
          he probably will love me. someone that not deserve that. well, i really sorry cause have caught your feeling. thats hurt, i always make you hurt. i'm very disappointed with my self that didn't realize if broken heart can't be heal from others, it just will broke others. 
          
          but how is it. am i selfish if wanna love someone? am i dumb if i love you although i'm a trash? than, for future i can't see anything for us. probably it will be end without happiness on your smile anymore. i know, i have said sorry for many times but, please let me say it more times. 
          
          i just don't know how to heal your heart cause me, so i just can say that word. i'm sorry.

I have to say how much i love you before i die - Part 1
          
          Um, how is it. I don't know where i have to start my story. But, yah lately, i met a boy from an online game. And he helped me so much. Of course i was very happy. 
          
          But, really why? why you want to be so tired because of me. Why you want help me a lot and i never help you cause i'm weak. 
          
          That's make me feel special sometimes. But, ofc, no worries, because you look like nu want this friend relationship will be broken and me too. I will never grow up my feeling. 
          
          You one of my friend that i ever told if i wanna suicide and you feel worries ofc. and i finally said just kidding cz you look like nu suitable and full of worries. but, hey. actually that's nu just kidding. i really wanna suicide one day.
          
          But no worries. I will say good bye to you first before it ahahahaa. And if i can said one thing that actually nu just kidding to. I love you! Ehehe. But its ok if you nu love me! I just wanna say if thats nu a joke and my feeling to you is a real one. 
          
          Thank you for choosing me from random co op and helped me a lot! You make me feel that in this life, maybe there is a kindness that i miss a lot.