Fear me! You have stumbled across the Dragon's Lair, where I shall have you roasted live and eaten before the day is done.

Just kidding! 

Some points (you did come here for a reason, I suppose...)

1) I really, really suck at updating things. Or even posting them. 
2) May be rude and/or sarcastic. Don't take it personally.
3) Halfhearted Grammar Nazi. 
4) I don't take reading requests. 

People to dedicate stuff to (if I ever get that far):
2) @Rakkaus (for critiquing)
3) @Legendary_Princess (just being nice in general and great conversationalist)
4) @SchuylerThorpe (honest, helpful comment)
5) @xxSMxx (honest, helpful comment and great conversationalist)

Have a nice day!