Dad says "Act your age."
You heard it man, it's time to rage!
ALL
Blast the bass, turn out the light
HEATHERS
Ain't nobody home tonight!
RAM
Drink, smoke, it's all cool.
Let's get naked in my pool!
ALL
Punch the wall and start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!
KURT
His folks got a waterbed.
Come upstairs and rest your head.
RAM
Let's rub each other's backs
while watching porn on Cinemax!
CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, KIDS
The folks are gone,
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
When mom and dad forget
to lock the liquor cabinet,
it's big fun! Big fun!
VERONICA
So wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot?
HEATHER MCNAMARA
No, salt, then -
HEATHER CHANDLER
You're doing it wrong!
VERONICA
Really? 'Cause I feel great.
PREPPY STUD
Veronica, you're looking good tonight!
VERONICA
Whoa.
A hot guy smiled at me,
without a trace of mockery!
ALL BUT VERONICA
Everyone's high as a kite,
ain't nobody home tonight!
VERONICA
Stoned. Zoned. I should quit...
Hey, is that weed? I want a hit.
ALL BUT VERONICA
Fill that joint and roll it tight,
ain't nobody home tonight!
VERONICA
Dreams are coming true
when people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono at Live Aid!
ALL
The house is ours,
it's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Let's use their showers,
that sounds like
big fun! Big fun!
Crack open one more case!
(VERONICA observes couple making out)
VERONICA
I that that's what they call
"third base."
ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!
VERONICA
That actually looks like -
ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!
(KURT holds up a pig pinata with a sign that says "Jefferson Razorbacks")
KURT
All right, people! What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?
(RAM mimes sex with the pinata)
RAM
Gonna make 'em go
Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun!
HEATHER DUKE
Way to show maturity!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun!