dull_moon_

Other people who i don't consider anything have had a fair share of degrading and taunting me but i don't give a fuck about them but them comming from people close to me will hurt me way more and it does. Today everyone teamed up to taunt and it made me vulnarable.... I have feeling vulnarable.... i don't really know what to do  but I'll try and forget these and live on... i don't want to waste ur time anymore ( i don't really think anyone will read this far) Hope u have a nice day/ night. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Keep smiling.

I am from an Indian middle class family and the can't be any unncessary expenditure... I understand it very well... After my 10th boards result where i got 82%... I Hurt me to listen to those painful comments where I quote they said " We are wasting our money on you" "XYZ kid is so much better than u" "I can't believe I am YOUR mother" " Better start learning cooking coz that's all that u will be capable of doing" "Atleast after marriage u will eat ur husband's money" "How can u sleep like that don't u have any shame" "Look at u just eating and getting fat" etc. Don't cuss my parents plz coz I know they were traumatinsed as a kid... I know it's their anger speaking but it still hurts. They are important to me and mabey that's why their words cut deeper that a knife. I just wanna say that if you have issues plz get a therapist and don't have a child until ur r healthy... because your issues will affect ur child more than anyone... 
          These hurtful thing will make one rethink about their self value, crush their self esteme, question their existance... and in my case me being a teen doesn't help it at all as I feel a 100 emotions at the same time unable to express any. And when accused of being a closed off person you can't blame me coz u made me who i am.... 
          Anyways back to the topic, I have taken up science And am opting to sit for JEE... I enjoyed Science a lot but after hearing these for over 4 years now, I am scared to fuck up ... I can't move front nor can i go back, it's like i am stuck somewhere where it's hard to breath and books are they only way i can breath.... so I invest a lot of time in reading. Now I am a science student and i need to invest a lot of time studying which i am unable to.... and continously being reminded of the accounting of all the money being wasted on me, it doesn't  really help. And this has resulted in regular taunts...  I want to get over this two years somehow and move out ...( next mgs continuation)

I really need to get this out... I have a lot on my plate and I really need to get it out.... I was driven to have almost a panick attack two times in row and that too infront of my parents due to their words.  Now, I am very greateful to them for what they have done and the sacrifices they have made of me but  I am having issues due to it. I fell like a fucking burden when I am painfully reminded of those sacrifices and somewhere down there I feel like the reason their lives are falling appart... which I know I am.. nut i didn't have much choise, every descesion was made by them and still are, now when i make my descesions I fear to fuck it up, coz I don't want to hear their taunts... there is this unknown pressure which chokes me to death and death becomes  a very beautiful idea. This might sound unreasonable and nonsence so I would like to go to the bottom of all these. 
          So, initially i am a good child or  rather was.... I used to score above 90%, udes to draw well and take part in a bunch of other curriculum activities bringing good result out of it all... But duringthe pandemic this whole cycle of my life came to a halt...  I came to know about the internet platform more intimately... I came here  and books became a very intimate part of my consiousness.... books provide me the comfort no one can, i can be as free as an uncagged bird and I no one is pussing me to grow up... i can breathe here without being judged... I can be a nobody to no one  which is reassuring. 
          I was in class 9 when I first had the taste of comfort and hence created a whole damn castle called 'my comfort zone' here. Needless to say my result was not good according to my standard. i got 70%.... and hence the accusing started... i can't really call it accusing, it's more like disappointment, i can't really put it to words.... 
          I have always been an understanding kid and always listened to my parent's problems... I am from an Indian middle class family ( oops word limit.. check the next mgs)

thank you so much for giving my book a try and for the support! i hope you liked itt.<333

Hello Moon Mondal. How do you do? 

Hellloooo!
          
          Thanks for all the votes on Into the Dekuverse! I really appreciate it and hope you have a Plus Ultra Christmas! 

So I kinda posted a book that has been in my drafts since forever....  I have a lot of books in my draft but I am not completely cure if I want to post them or not....  But let's see how much support I get from my first book....  ☠️✌✨ plz do read and let me know your thoughts about i✨ 

Hey there! How are you doing? Hope you are fine. Anyways I just recently published my first Taekook fanfic on wattpad. I see that you’re a BTS fan so can please check out my book. I’m not forcing you or anything but if you can it would be great! Thanks! 
          
          https://my.w.tt/xvEK3qHexbb