No ones ever gonna read this but yolo I need to rant
I lost a friend about 8 months ago, and not in the way of we don’t talk, she died. All my friends think I’m over it but I’m not.
Losing someone hurts a lot. I looked up to this girl, she was like my idol. She was popular, nice, caring, athletic and smart, I wanted to be like her. Her death obviously affected me very much.
But there’s something so surreal about the whole thing. Knowing you talked to someone who isn’t alive right now doesn’t sit right with you. It feels weird, in a bad way. I remember the last thing I said to her was “see you next Tuesday!” :/
For three days after her death, I did nothing at all, I didn’t eat or talk to anyone. I didn’t respond to my messages either. I only cried, slept and went to the bathroom. I felt bad. I felt bad that while someone I looked up to was dead, I was enjoying life. I felt guilty about doing anything, even blinking.
I went through all the stages of losing someone except for acceptance. I don’t get it. I’m not over it and I don’t think I ever will. She was 14, she had so much life to live. She still had to get a job, go to college, start a family, meet her idols, travel the world, etc...
She didn’t kill herself, she died of a brain aneurysm. I didn’t even get to visit her in the hospital because of corona.
Take this as a sign or something. If you’re planning on killing yourself, think of this. Death hurts. Please don’t do it. I was never close with this girl every thought I may seem like it. She was older and we o my saw each other every other day.
Even the person you say hi to in the hallways is gonna feel bad about your death.
Enjoy your life. <3
