ecl1ps3x

it’s 3am, and i remembered this app where someone used to post things and i thought maybe you’ve said something about me. i can’t sleep, it’s all that’s been on my mind. i’m not sure why i should even care but i do… you can call me a bitch, you can call me selfish, you can never understand where i’m coming from and resent me forever for the choices i’ve made  but we were terrible together. you were my everything, my sibling and other half and i can’t argue with the fact that we were happy at times, but when i think back on our friendship why is the only thing i remember feeling heartbroken, depressed, anxious and hating myself? do you not see how hard it was for me? and how hard it was for you too? i was a bad friend and i can admit that, but you were a bad friend to me as well. we were not good to each other. i definitely said things that hurt you or made you upset. and i’m not justifying that there is no excuse and i truly am sorry.

ecl1ps3x

but i also remember how miserable i felt way too often, the small remarks you made that left me feeling fat and disgusting but they were a joke i suppose and you probably don’t remember any of them. but i do and i starved myself for days because of that. i have so many scars from when i harmed myself because all i felt was pain every time we argued or even when we didn’t and something was said that would shatter my heart. and as much as i hate to think i was capable of making someone else feel this way, i probably did the same to you. i am sorry for that, i never intended to hurt you in any way. this would never work… we’re at different stages and it may be harsh but i am so much happier without you in my life. i never thought id be able to say this but im 994 days clean and it is my greatest accomplishment. i’ve moved on, i have a job and new friends and im in a new place and i never want to think back to secondary because i have never felt worse in my entire life. i never hurt myself as much as i did for those few weeks in january because i knew back then things would never be the same and i thought i had lost you forever. that was the beginning, and we never did become friends after that i guess. we tried but it was over. and it is over. you will never read this, i’m sure you don’t even know this account is mine and that’s all fine i just needed to type this out. i’ll never download this app again after i press post so i guess ill never know if you have read this or not but i can live with that, goodbye.
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ecl1ps3x

it’s 3am, and i remembered this app where someone used to post things and i thought maybe you’ve said something about me. i can’t sleep, it’s all that’s been on my mind. i’m not sure why i should even care but i do… you can call me a bitch, you can call me selfish, you can never understand where i’m coming from and resent me forever for the choices i’ve made  but we were terrible together. you were my everything, my sibling and other half and i can’t argue with the fact that we were happy at times, but when i think back on our friendship why is the only thing i remember feeling heartbroken, depressed, anxious and hating myself? do you not see how hard it was for me? and how hard it was for you too? i was a bad friend and i can admit that, but you were a bad friend to me as well. we were not good to each other. i definitely said things that hurt you or made you upset. and i’m not justifying that there is no excuse and i truly am sorry.

ecl1ps3x

but i also remember how miserable i felt way too often, the small remarks you made that left me feeling fat and disgusting but they were a joke i suppose and you probably don’t remember any of them. but i do and i starved myself for days because of that. i have so many scars from when i harmed myself because all i felt was pain every time we argued or even when we didn’t and something was said that would shatter my heart. and as much as i hate to think i was capable of making someone else feel this way, i probably did the same to you. i am sorry for that, i never intended to hurt you in any way. this would never work… we’re at different stages and it may be harsh but i am so much happier without you in my life. i never thought id be able to say this but im 994 days clean and it is my greatest accomplishment. i’ve moved on, i have a job and new friends and im in a new place and i never want to think back to secondary because i have never felt worse in my entire life. i never hurt myself as much as i did for those few weeks in january because i knew back then things would never be the same and i thought i had lost you forever. that was the beginning, and we never did become friends after that i guess. we tried but it was over. and it is over. you will never read this, i’m sure you don’t even know this account is mine and that’s all fine i just needed to type this out. i’ll never download this app again after i press post so i guess ill never know if you have read this or not but i can live with that, goodbye.
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