Hi, I really like your story! I love how the characters act the way they do para bang totoong tao talaga sila but I will suggest na wag masyasong putol putol yung mga paragraph. Maganda din if naka bold pag nagsasalita na yung mga characters mo para mas madaling basahin. Also I like how u use comma and punctuation marks pero I would recommend din na use deep metaphors sa story mo since maganda na yung world kung saan sila naikot, maganda din if u your 5 sense when it comes to telling their stories, tell the readers kung anong klaseng feeling nila instead "I feel sad" you could write "I feel my wet hand shakes in agony, it feels like crying isn't enough to stop this sadness within me." I hope it helps! Good work please continue on writing!