eequinoxx

don't you just love it when you're stalking (a.k.a. looking at the same 7 photos) of a person, thus making yourself insecure and waaaaay too jealous?
          	
          	because this has basically been my whole day :')

eequinoxx

I wonder if i'll change as a person in the next school year.
          Why?
          A completely new surrounding.
          With, most likely, strangers.
          Strangers that are my age.
          Is this my chance?
          The chance to change myself?
          To become more open, willing to hangout with friends.
          Heck, even be willing to make new friends.
          I want to be able to showcase my thoughts, my strong beliefs, and most importantly -
          To showcase who i am, and who i aspire to become.
          
          But isn't it a little late for that?
          
          I had my chance to do what is best for me.
          And i took it.
          But i didn't use it fully.
          I've done great things, things i am very proud of.
          But it took time, it took a lot of stress, patience, anxiety - and even some tears.
          
          Don't get me wrong - it was worth it.
          I just feel like i could've used it a bit differently.
          I could've done some more great and impressive stuff.
          Only if i tried more.
          If i believed in myself more.
          If i knew what i wanted, what i strived for.
          And just took all of my body's energy to achieve all of that.
          
          It's a bit hard doing such stuff, knowing one feeling - one voice - will always find it's way back to my mind.
          
          Doubt.

eequinoxx

You know what's weird?
          Having the feeling of regret for around 2 years, soon enough 3.
          Hahah.
          2 years.
          And for that time being, i didn't do nothing to diminish that regret.
          Instead i would dream, fantasize, be jealous of other people - and wonder.
          Wonder what would happen if i decided to change that feeling.
          Wonder if it would change me as a person.
          Would it change my personality?
          Would it change how i act around people in public spaces?
          Would it change the perception i have of myself?
          Would it help me, become me?
          
          All these questions and thoughts.
          Yet here i am.
          Still not changing it.
          Still not giving myself a chance to open up, to be more comfortable, to be happy and relaxed.
          
          But what can you do?
          When there are certain rules you must follow.
          When there are certain people you hang out with.
          Those same people don't often understand you.
          But that's okay.
          You can't understand someone's struggle without seeing the full picture.
          
          But what about other people?
          You know.
          The people that share the same interests as you.
          There aren't many of them.
          Yet you sometimes get a chance to encounter them.
          Or maybe just catch a glimpse.
          
          A glimpse of what your life could've been.

eequinoxx

My frickin' usb (game) controller won't connect to my laptop (windows won't recognize it, smh) and idk what to do, i give up. I'll just play ts4 ffs (i wanted to play sonic all starts transformed or whatever it's called ). aight peace y'all