Bartimaeus

its kind of interesting. at least things happen and you describe well enough. I still don't quite understand the 3rd chapter yet, which i cant let out was very...very short. Apart from that everything's fine except for writing mistakes. please re-read and re-re-read it and correct them. some phrases don't make sense or end too early. one time you repeated "have to" 3 times. 2 times is understandable, but u mustve really been distracted. there're LOADS of other mistakes so check them out with some1 else if you don't find them yourself.
          
          i don't know the rest of it yet but it could be a really good story...or a mediocre one, so its up to you, keep writing. Victoria seems to be alot like me but less intense :P suggests the writer herself thinks the same way.