ellur11

Heyy people of wattpad, I know I haven't posted on my notice board in a while but for the people who've talked to me before and helped me feel some way better. Thank ye. Um just recently I've had a fallout with one of my friends which is still ongoing and is very messy. But on the plus side I've talked to my mom- told her about me believing that I have anxiety and the panic attacks that I have regularly in my schools bathroom and she said that if I would like I could yk get therapy or sum shii. Which is just a relief and weight of my shoulder. So this is manly to the people who've maybe not even had a conversation but interacted with me of some form, ye all r prolly the reason I'm not drowning at the moment. So I just hope for the best. Thank ye all x

ellur11

Heyy people of wattpad, I know I haven't posted on my notice board in a while but for the people who've talked to me before and helped me feel some way better. Thank ye. Um just recently I've had a fallout with one of my friends which is still ongoing and is very messy. But on the plus side I've talked to my mom- told her about me believing that I have anxiety and the panic attacks that I have regularly in my schools bathroom and she said that if I would like I could yk get therapy or sum shii. Which is just a relief and weight of my shoulder. So this is manly to the people who've maybe not even had a conversation but interacted with me of some form, ye all r prolly the reason I'm not drowning at the moment. So I just hope for the best. Thank ye all x

Bitchesbeslaying

hi hii!!! thank u sm for the follow <3 i read your message underneath and i'm so sorry baby :( i know me saying this probably won't really help but i'll say it anyway; you are perfect ml, trust me. don't you dare let anyone else tell you otherwise. i understand how you feel, and it is so so infuriating to feel like this. please understand though, you are so amazing, beautiful, and strong <3 if you ever need to talk to someone, i'm always here and so are many other kind people out there♡

Bitchesbeslaying

@ellur11 of course ml, I'm glad you found my book comforting :) and I'll come to you whenever I need to talk as well, thank you sm <3 I'm so glad it helped u and ill always listen <33 don't say sorry, I love making people feel okay, so don't apologise ♡
• Reply

ellur11

@Bitchesbeslaying hi.thank u.And so u know it does mean a lot, I related a lot to ur story and found great comfort in it (as weird as it sounds◡̈) tbh I'm not in the best state of mind rn and Im sorry u had to see that o(╥﹏╥)o. If I feel down I'll prob most likely take u up on that offer (but this is gonna work both ways k?) I'm not the best at expressing or anything along the lines of that but I'm prob only good at listening. Soo I mean if u wanna vent I'll listen. ♡♥︎ and again thank you~ so so much, u have no idea how ur message pulled me a bit out of my slump. Thank u and sorry that u felt u needed to deal with me ՞߹ - ߹՞
• Reply

ellur11

this message may be offensive 
I HATE myself, my body, my smile, my looks. 
          AND the pathetic thing is I can't even make myself throw up... Ive gained weigh.. My progress is GONE... I can't even work out cus weather n' family n' shit... Cant starve cus all I'm doing is binging.... And u know what I feel bad for myself... WHY... I'm not allowed to... Im still FAT.... Bigger than my friends... No one likes me...Don't even yet have a 'healthy' lookin body but still want to be bones... I'M TIRED.... I should probably end it but I'm too much of a fucking PUSSY... I couldn't even make myself throw up a couple of minutes ago.... I don't wanna do this anymore.... But who have I to blame but MYSELF.... I wannna just be skinny.... The girl from 3yrs ago before she became depressed and ate everything... The 1 who could actually talk to people normally... The 1 who actually felt emotion...i feel like a doll trapped in a fat body...I hate this so much.... I'm TIRED, PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY... Just goddd I hate this

poutyducklingmwahhhh

thnx for the follow<333

ellur11

@poutyducklingmwahhhh nppp ❀‎ܓ(｡◠ ꇴ ◠｡ )!!!
• Reply

poutyducklingmwahhhh

this message may be offensive 
@ellur11 ohhh i watched weak hero nd dayummm tht was sm gud shit nd i was reading hero killer too imma continue nd thnx for taking time to recommend <3333333333333
• Reply

ellur11

@poutyducklingmwahhhh (￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹᴹ lemme see: I really liked weak hero ( u might have seen the kdrama), marionetta, parallel city ( soo good), fast forward, black night, unholy blood, study group, hand jumper, home sick, hero killer, to tame a fire, homesick( really recommend this) , teenage mercenary, morganna and oz, all haven academy, lost in translation, blacksun, also the stories that HYBE posts r actually really good. 
            These r all somewhat action-ish 
            I have loads more •᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ but these r good starters!!
• Reply

ellur11

this message may be offensive 
Don't u just fuckin hate it when life just doesn't shut the fuck up. 
          From my mind telling me how DISGUSTING my body is and how my parents don't even notice how much I HATE myself when they're too busy fighting and breaking shit
          I'm tired... 
          Both types...