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i can’t do this. i fucked up my math exam. i’m going to die. he’s going to remove me from school and make me stay at home. i’m scared. i’m so scared. i just want to die rn. this is too much. i’m just fucking up everything in my life right now. i’m genuinely so fucked up. 

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          just a year ago, everything was so much different. 
          i was with people who i thought were going to stay for good. i don't know what to feel about any of them anymore.
          i was vulnerable and didn't know how to feel about myself. i'm not much better now, but i'm alive. 
          my grades were at an all time low. they aren't the worst but i need to do so much better if i want to continue studying. i need to get above 85% in the board exams if i want to get into SIS and live even a little upto the name that my brother managed to make for himself. 
          
          i'm scared that i'll be the disappointment of the family. im terrified of messing up everything dad worked for in the last 5 years. i'm afraid of losing myself while trying to make everyone proud of me.