it’s crazy how much i’ve changed in the past 6 years. reading my old posts feels so surreal, it’s like we’re two different people. that life i lived back then feels so fake to me know, like i fabricated it out of my own limerence and nostalgia. i’m 19 now and all the people i knew back then are gone. the person i was is gone. while reading those posts it feels like im grieving someone who was so authentic and unwavering. i miss myself. i miss the past and the simplicity of it. i will never be a weird 12-13 year old during quarantine again. it was really such a happy time in my life, and i hope one day i can do back to how i felt when i was younger. it feels like im saying goodbye to someone who’s still with me. i had 2 friends back then who i considered myself close to. one of them is supposedly dead and im pretty sure the other one hates me. i just need to accept that things will never change and i need to leave them in the past. but its so hard. i still care about them both deeply, i don’t know how to get rid of this feeling. it feels like my life is falling apart. hopefully down the line it gets better for me. maybe in the future i’ll make another post for myself, to reflect where i am a few years from now, since no one can hold it against me here.